Discussions

Event Speaker Spotlight & Getting Linspired with Linny Stone

Photo provided by Linny Stone

Photo provided by Linny Stone

Linny Stone is a wellness advocate and marriage therapist who is redefining the word strength by vulnerably sharing her story of disappointment, loss and hope of a rainbow baby. Her experience with recurrent miscarriage has also created the goal of moving the topic of miscarriage from taboo to talked about.

I am so grateful to Linny for opening up about how her infertility journey has empowered her both personally and professionally, and how it has moved her to pay it forward in support of other women.

Please read on to learn more about Linny’s story. You can also meet Linny virtually this Sunday at our event, Why Honoring Loss is Healthy. Linny will share more about her journey and how to get the support that you need through tools, resources and your relationships. I promise you will leave inspired.

Would you mind sharing a bit about your fertility journey?

We have been on this journey for almost two years now and after many tests and appointments it feels like we finally have all the puzzle pieces, we just need to place them all together.

I suffer from Recurrent Pregnancy Loss and have had three (3) miscarriages. After my third loss, I took some time to dive into research to get answers that could help me make a change.

I knew I wanted a baby, but it was hard to believe in my body. So I focused on educating myself on fertility and finding possible answers for my losses.

During this time, I discovered that I have APS (a blood clotting disorder) and Diminished Ovarian Reserve. I am currently on my 2nd medicated cycle with Clomid in hopes that it will lead me to a pregnancy.

Was there a moment when you felt compelled to begin advocating for miscarriage awareness?

I was grieving and it felt like no one in my circle of family and friends could relate and truly understand me. I was craving connection because I felt so alone. It moved me to started researching and I found the statistic that 1 in 4 women experience miscarriage.

I thought to myself, "How many women are going through this feeling alone even though there are so many of us?"

I felt compelled to share my story in hopes that it would lead me to creating a community not only for myself, but for (all) other women who (all) deserve support.

What is APS and what role does it play in recurrent miscarriages? How was your APS diagnosed?

Antiphospholipid Syndrome is a blood clotting disorder that can put pregnant women at a high risk of miscarriage and/or stillbirth if not medically monitored. It is very unfortunate. The good news is that once diagnosed, most women will go on to have healthy full term pregnancies if under proper medical care.

I had a traumatizing experience after my 1st loss. I had a D&C and there were complications because I would not stop bleeding. This alerted us that something wasn't right and we eventually got the testing that led to my diagnosis.

Based on your professional and personal experience, how do you recommend supporting someone who has had a miscarriage? 

I've have learned that talking about it is helpful for women mourning a miscarriage, but most women don't share because of stigma or shame. It is very important to create a safe space where they feel comfortable to open up.

Just listen. Try not to compare or give advice. Validate however they feel.

Don't forget to check in every now and then. A simple, "I am thinking of you" message can go a long way.

What are appropriate words to say (and mean) to someone who has had a miscarriage?

It is ok to say, I don't know what to say, but I am sorry you are going through this and I am here for you.

What family/friends can say: I'm sorry and although I may not have the right words please know that I will be here when you are ready to stand by you as you walk through this.

What fellow warriors can say: I know it may not seem like it right now, but the weight does eventually get lighter.

Why is honoring loss healthy and what are some ways in which readers can pay tribute to their angel(s)?

  • Acknowledging can help with accepting which can lead to finding a sense of closure

  • Writing a letter to your angels (expressing all the things you never got to say)

  • Light a candle

  • Say a prayer

  • Plant some flowers

  • My favorite. Commission an artist that can create a family portrait of you with your angels. I did this and found it to be extremely healing. It helped me have the only visual of what our family would look like if our angels were with us.

Has infertility made you a better marriage therapist and coach? How so?

Definitely.

My education gave me knowledge, but my experiences have given me wisdom.

I understand pain, loss, and trauma from a personal perspective which allows me to be empathetic and truly support the people that I help.

Can you share several tips in support of couples who are facing infertility?

Understand that you won't always understand each other as you navigate through this new path but with effort, you can find a way to common ground again.

Communicate by saying what you really want to say, and allowing your partner to do the same. They may say things that you don't want to hear, but you need to know how they really feel & not how you WANT them to feel so that you can really work together.

Remember that you are a team. You are in it together. Even though your experiences may be from different perspectives, nonetheless it is an experience you are sharing together.

This (experience) can form an unbreakable bond. Surviving this type of hardship together can reinforce the strength of your love and appreciation for each other.

How has infertility changed your definition of strength?

It has made me realize how strong I really am. After three (3) losses, I feel invincible. If I can survive that, I can survive anything.

Please share a meaningful quote to you or your mantra.

My mantra is: Disappointed, but NOT defeated.

About Linny Stone: Linny is a relationship coach who uses coaching and therapy to support couples to cope with infertility and/or loss. Linny is also a wellness advocate and infertility warrior who suffers from Recurrent Pregnancy Loss & APS (a blood clotting disorder) which creates a 70-80% chance of miscarriage or stillbirth if not vigilantly medically monitored. Before getting diagnosed Linny had three miscarriages, and is currently fighting for her Rainbow Baby as she faces infertility due to Diminished Ovarian Reserve. Her experience with loss and fighting to get answers have led to her being passionate about spreading awareness on women's health & fertility issues. Linny shares her story candidly on Instagram while incorporating her relationship coaching & therapy tools to help couples cope through infertility and/or loss. The content on her site is full of encouragement and resources to help empower women through knowledge.  You can learn more about Linny and her story at: www.linspiredliving.com and on IG @linspired.living

Speaker Spotlight: Alishia Anderson, Babyloss Awareness Advocate

Alishia and her husband in the hospital saying hello and goodbye to their angel baby, DJ

Alishia and her husband in the hospital saying hello and goodbye to their angel baby, DJ

I am so grateful to Alishia Anderson, Golden Mama, Babyloss Awareness Advocate and Author of Still Here: A Memoir of Love, Loss & Triumph After Stillbirth for sharing her own experience of losing her son DJ. Through her pain, Alishia has made it her purpose by creating the Still Here movement which educates about babyloss, the associated stigma and supports grieving parents and families.

Read on to learn more about Alishia’s important work and please join us live with Alishia in an important discussion honoring Pregnancy and Infant Awareness Loss Month. We will be talking about Why Honoring Loss is Healthy at our Sunday Sessions event on October 25th and hope that you will join us to lift up others who are grieving. Please RSVP here to the private event.

Was there a specific moment or experience after losing DJ when you realized that you needed to write your book, Still Here?

I began writing in my journal the night that I found out that DJ no longer had a heartbeat. I journaled consistently throughout my grieving and healing journey after loss. I also shared my story via social media platforms. When I kept getting DM’s from others who had also experienced baby loss, it showed me that there was a need for me to write a book about my experience.

So many people are affected by baby loss both directly and indirectly so I wanted to address that in my book. The remarkable thing is that when I was in 3rd grade my teacher told my mom that one day I would be an author. Here I am, 24 years later an author of my first self-published book, Still Here: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Triumph After Stillbirth.

You’ve made it your mission to destigmatize loss. Was there an experience that made you realize just how taboo the discussion is?

I shared my loss story early on in my grieving journey. It was not that I was so courageous. More so, sharing helped me feel better and made my son DJ feel real. While I was comfortable talking about DJ and even sharing his picture (I’ve gotten more comfortable over time about sharing his photo,) I realized from the responses I’ve received that many other people don’t talk about loss - because of what I coin the 3S’s: silence, secrecy, and shame of baby loss. 

When did you know that you needed to answer the call to become a baby loss awareness advocate?

I knew after experiencing loss firsthand and writing my book that I didn’t want any other bereaved parent to feel the isolation of baby loss without having support. I wanted to be a voice for those bereaved parents of babies/children who died and who didn’t feel they had enough strength to share their stories in this season of their grieving journey. I hoped by becoming an advocate and constantly sharing my story, I would offer a blueprint to help parents unlock their courage to share their stories of loss too.

The more we share, the more we normalize the taboo energy surrounding baby loss.

You have been incredibly supportive of families who have experienced loss. Can you share what others should say or do in support of a friend or loved one?

One thing that I have noticed is that people are very uncomfortable with grief. Society has done us a disservice on how to handle grief as a collective. So while getting offensive feedback after loss is jarring to a baby loss survivor, it’s not surprising because we have not been properly trained to handle grief. All of us are usually trying to figure it out as we go. 

My advice to others who are trying to support a baby loss parent in bereavement and grief is to allow space for the awkward uncomfortable conversations. More than likely the bereaved parent will want to talk about their baby, but usually don’t because it creates tension for those who have not experienced loss.

Make room for bereaved parents to talk about their babies by saying “I’d love to hear about baby [insert their name] if you feel up to it.”

Let the conversation flow organically. The parent may not want to open up yet, but affirm them that when they are ready to talk that you will be there to listen with no judgement [and truly mean it]. Another thing you can communicate is: “I don’t know what to say or how you feel in this very moment, but even if we have to sit in silence, and just cry, I am here to support you!” Having people support you (even if they don’t have the proper words to say) is so necessary especially during the beginning stages of loss.

What should someone think twice before saying? 

There are many phrases that often grind the gears of baby loss parents. Here are a few common ones (that I heard along the journey):

You can always get pregnant again

This implies that having another baby will erase the fact that I lost a baby I never intended on losing. It feels as if you’re dismissing my baby’s existence.

God needed an angel

While we in the baby loss community sometimes refer to our babies that died as angel babies, I must point out, some loss mamas hate this term as they believe it is a word to make the death of a baby more palatable. We don’t want to hear that God made our baby die so the baby could live in heaven. That sounds like we were not sufficient enough to be parents and our space for our baby was not “good enough” for them to stay.

At least it was early on in your pregnancy…etc.

It does not matter how early or late you are in your pregnancy. As soon as you connect with you baby in your womb (i.e. seeing a positive sign on your pregnancy test, after an ultrasound, after hearing the heartbeat etc.) you bond with that child on a deeper level.

It doesn’t matter if you were only pregnant one day, that baby matters and your pregnancy was valid, solidifying your space as a parent! 

In your view, why is honoring loss healthy?

I found there is simply no way around grief. You have to deal with it head-on. You may suppress your grief after baby loss, but eventually it will find its way to the surface, and you will have to deal with it one way or another.

I think it is healthy to honor loss because it allows us to 1.) vocalize the raw emotions we feel internally 2.) honor the life of our baby gone too soon and 3.) gives us permission to move forward in healing while defining what life looks like after loss.

How do you honor DJ and what are several tangible ways that you recommend that others can honor their loss(es)?

Two of the biggest ways we honor DJ is by celebrating his birthday every year on January 18. We always buy a cake/cupcake, light a candle, and sing happy birthday to him. The second way we honor DJ annually is on his due date, which is April 7.

Each year we do what I call #DoGood4DJ where we ask all our family and friends who are willing to participate do a random act of kindness for someone in honor of DJ. On that day we’ve paid for people’s lunches, passed out toiletry and snack care packages to the homeless, and even honored a first responder for their commitment to service during Covid-19. All in DJ’s honor.

It doesn’t matter the monetary value, it’s more about the act of kindness. I want DJ’s legacy to be worldwide. The way we will accomplish that is to continue to be of service to others. 

Tangible ways other people can honor their loss is:

  • Speaking your baby’s name every chance you get, to normalize talking about their existence

  • Have a picture of your baby painted or have your angel baby added to a family portrait

  • Hold a candlelight vigil in honor of your baby

  • Write a song or poem 

  • Write a letter to your baby on their Angelversary every year, let them know how much you miss them…or write about the milestones they would be accomplishing at the age you’re celebrating

  • A balloon or butterfly release

  • Spread their ashes somewhere special

  • Decorate their gravesite for different holidays

Your mission through Still Here is to connect and support 1M baby loss families around the globe. How can readers support?

I’ve been gaining steam since creating my social media page dedicated to Baby Loss, Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss in 2018. I’m not sure the exact number of baby loss families I’ve supported via my content, my book, my one on one conversations, guest podcast spots etc., but I’ve been honored to connect with many families who entrust me to hear about their personal losses. Sharing your baby loss story can be a challenge so I am always humbled when I get a DM from a bereaved parent willing to share their story and their baby with me. I don’t take that privilege lightly. 

Ways your readers can support the Still Here mission is by joining my community on IG or FB @AliAndeEnterprise. Liking or re-sharing my content I post. Purchasing my book Still Here: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Triumph After Stillbirth,  and lastly reaching out to me to share their story. I love to connect with other baby loss parents and their extended family and friends. It lets me know the work I’m doing is not in vain. 

How can readers play a part in de-stigmatizing loss?

Continue the conversation about loss. If you have not experienced loss firsthand, talk to a baby loss parent willing to share their experience. I think we need to begin to normalize the idea that not all women who get pregnant end up with a living baby. The reality is 1 in 4 PREGNANCIES not 1 in 4 MAMAS (because some mamas have MULTIPLE losses), end in loss. While this may sound morbid this is our reality.

According to statistics, 24,000 babies are born still born in the US every year.

The fact is my son DJ is so much more than just a number. He was my child, whom I loved and longed for, for 7-months, who died in my womb. I miss him daily.

These conversations need to be had so we can begin to destigmatize loss and grieving the death of a baby/child. 

Please share a quote or mantra that keeps you going.

Grief is not one size fits all.

You’re allowed to do whatever helps you cope with the death of your baby no matter how unconventional or uncomfortable it may make others feel. I did what felt best for me at the time of my grieving including speaking DJ’s name, sharing my story with whoever would listen, going to therapy, writing in my journal, reading devotionals, praying, listening to uplifting music, self-publishing my book etc.

Do what makes you feel good because at the end of the day, your grief journey is part of parenting your angel baby!

About Alishia Anderson. Alishia has always looked at life with a glass half full perspective. But when she lost her first-born son DJ at 28-weeks’ gestation on 1.18.16, it rocked her to her core. Through her grief journey she has grown spiritually, discovered her purpose, and has become a better wife, [rainbow/golden] mama, pregnancy loss advocate, and mentor to other baby loss families who’ve unfortunately been dealt the same tragic plight of loss. Alishia learned early after her loss that sharing her story helped her heal. Two years into her healing journey she self-published her book Still Here: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Triumph After Stillbirth to help eradicate what she coins the 3S’s of baby loss: silence, secrecy, and shame. Alishia enjoys writing, singing, traveling, making memories, and spending quality time with her family and friends. She resides in Southern California with her husband Derrek and two earth side sons, #boymom. 

Learn more about and support Alishia’s mission on Instagram and Facebook.

Speaker Spotlight: Fly Bravely Founder, Lia De Feo

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Have you ever met someone that you have such a deep connection with, that it doesn’t matter that you just met, the friendship is sealed as though you’ve know that person for your entire lifetime? Lia and I instantly bonded through our shared experiences of IVF and motherhood. As she shared her journey which was met with heartache and loss before she came to meet her beautiful rainbow daughter, I couldn’t help but think, that I was meeting one of the bravest and kindest women I have ever met. That meeting with Lia at Maman on Canal Street will be far one of my favorite memories of NYC because that day I met a friend for a lifetime.

Since that day, I have sent multiple people to Lia who supports women and couples who are exploring options with surrogacy and/or have experienced loss at any stage including having to leave a hospital without their baby (whether it be them or their surrogate). It takes a very special person to be able to support loss after having gone through it - not just with the trauma but with what to do in the moment to preserve any fleeting memories that may be available.

Lia will be joining us for our October Sunday Session to discuss Why Honoring Loss is Healthy in honor of National Pregnancy and Infant Awareness Loss month. Without further ado, it is my pleasure to introduce Lia DeFeo and the important work that her company Fly Bravely does.

Tell us about Fly Bravely and the inspiration behind the name.

Fly Bravely is a NYC consultancy dedicated to normalizing pregnancy and infant loss and supporting those experiencing challenges and heartache on their path to parenthood.

I wanted the word brave in the name because I feel it’s a reflection of the community I serve and a nod to those still on their journey. Fly has a double meaning. First, moving forward in a way that to me, is freeing. Second, it’s a nod to my daughter Avellina which means “little bird”.  Avellina is our daughter who “flew away” and died two hours after she was born. 

Was there a tipping point that moved you to found Fly Bravely?

It was after my daughter, Carolina turned one. It felt like a turning point. A moment where I could breathe again and not worry if she would leave us too soon like Christopher and Avellina had. I finally felt comfortable talking about my journey to motherhood without having an emotional reaction. It was then that I knew I wanted to normalize loss and help others who were facing challenges on their path to parenthood.

Did loss have an impact on any relationships; personally, professionally or both?

Professionally, I became a far more empathetic manager. I realized that you never really know what the person across the conference table (or zoom line) is going through in their own life that may be driving their reactions or actions in the workplace.

Personally, I found out that many people I was very close to had struggled with infertility, miscarriage and even stillbirth. These were women I knew very well, yet they had never felt comfortable opening up about it before I shared what happened to me.

It was eye opening how much stigma and isolation is associated with these situations (of loss) where what is actually needed is  support and love.

Looking back on your journey, what would you tell your younger self?

I wish I would have known that I would one day have a healthy and beautiful baby. The losses and unknowns were so hard. I would encourage myself to move forward bravely and celebrate the milestones even in a pregnancy after loss.

You have championed access to surrogacy; at what point in your journey did you pursue it and did the experience affect how you coach others? 

When my uterus ruptured and Christopher was stillborn I also lost my ability to carry. I was still in the hospital when I made two phone calls. One to my cousin and one to one of my childhood friends. Both were cancer survivors and had started their families via Surrogacy. I needed to hear their stories because at that moment, I needed to believe that it wouldn’t be the end of my journey. 

The experience made me realize how “lucky” I was that I knew these two women. They helped me understand the process—something that can be really daunting. They helped me decide rather quickly that we would use an agency and which agencies to interview. It wasn’t easy, but without them I would have been lost.

I coach couples who are considering surrogacy to help them understand what the process looks like, the decisions they’ll have to make, the costs they should anticipate and their possible paths forward.

My clients have told me they have learned more in 30 minutes of speaking with me than 6-months of researching on their own. 

How are you able to refill your cup or avoid being triggered while working with clients? If you are triggered, how do you handle?

I recently had a couple I’m coaching through surrogacy experience a failed transfer. It was heartbreaking for them and triggering for me. I welled up with tears while coaching them through different ways to process the disappointment and sadness that comes with that experience. At the end of the session I knew I was a better coach for having allowed myself to be vulnerable.

In your view, why is honoring loss healthy?

Three reasons. It helps to process feelings about loss. If you feel moved to share it with others, I have found that it can help someone else going through something similar feel less alone. It is incredibly rewarding to play a part in supporting someone else; especially when I receive feedback from someone in the community that my stories have helped them.

What are several tangible ways that you recommend honoring loss?

These are some things that I do to honor Christopher and Avellina:

  • I carry a small frame in my purse with photos of Christopher and Avellina.

  • Photos of them are displayed in my closet so I see them every day as I’m getting dressed.

  • We celebrate their birth/death days by visiting a bench we have in their honor.

  • I write a letter to each of them in a journal annually on their birth/death days or just when inspired to do so.

  • We keep their memory alive by talking about them.

  • We have Christmas ornaments for each of them that hang on our tree every year.

What is something that we probably don’t know about you but should?

I was born in Brooklyn and am a huge fan of NYC history. I am also a licensed NYC tour guide license and used to lead walking tours!

Do you have a mantra that keeps you going?

I always try to be grateful for the blessings I have, versus resentful for the experience I’ve faced.

Focusing on the blessings, even during the worst of times has gotten me through. One of those is having had my husband by my side offering so much love and support through it all.

About Lia Buffa DeFeo: Lia is a mother through surrogacy to Carolina and to two angels, Avellina and Christopher, as well as the Founder of Fly Bravely. Lia is also an advocate for legalizing surrogacy, destigmatizing infertility and loss, and making it all more bearable personally and in the workplace.

You can also Fly Bravely on IG with Lia here.

Where Spirit Meets Space with Kelly Robinson

Photo of Kelly Robinson by Britany Gill

Photo of Kelly Robinson by Britany Gill

I recently had the opportunity to catch up with Kelly Robinson, conscious spiritual interior designer, doula and author of Where Spirit Meets Space during an event that we hosted together.

During our powerful discussion, Kelly shared how we can leverage creative design to help us create space and make room for that which we would like to invite and call into our lives; career growth, love, pregnancy or otherwise.

I thought that would might catch your attention! Please read on to learn more about Kelly, her work in spiritual interior design and ways in which you can start to connect and align your spirit and space.

What inspired your design work with spirit and personal journey?

My design career sort of fell into my lap, but ever since my early twenties I’ve been a pretty devoted spiritual seeker. My spiritual path has unfolded consistently over the past 15 years, and naturally became a part of my approach to design. My spiritual curiosities have been quite varied; beginning with cultural exchange and travel, then to yoga and meditation, then to shamanic studies, birth doula-hood, and more recently the path of the priestess; so there has been a lot of inspiration. But ultimately, my greatest design inspiration and spiritual inspiration will always be the natural world.

Mother nature is the original architect; and the ultimate interior designer.

What moved you to take your focus from corporate work towards supporting women to leverage design as an extension of their spirit?

I had been looking to step out of workplace design for a few years, as I felt I couldn’t be my fullest self in the corporate environment, even though most of my clients have been very open minded. When the pandemic hit I had some panicky days, as I know we all did.

I asked myself, how can I be of service right now?

I realized that the design brief of our homes had changed overnight. I knew that millions of people would struggle to suddenly be quarantined in their homes. I began giving out free design sessions to try to help people change their spaces to hold them better and women and couples from all over the world began signing up.

It surprised me how much of an impact I could have through Zoom, and seeing people take my guidance and recreate their spaces themselves was so rewarding. It felt so natural being my full spiritual self while working with women, and coming into the home felt like a homecoming for me personally on so many levels.

How can designing our personal spaces give us a balance of both spirited creativity and meaningful control?

When we look to nature, we can see how intentionally and creatively the animals make their nests, their cocoons, and their dens. They use the gifts of nature they have access to, and then they are very discerning with which items they bring inside. It is no different for us. When we cherish what we have, choose items that are as close to nature as possible, and design to make space for our future self we are able to create both with joy and with focused intention.

How is this balance important to the fertility journey? Our life journey?

I believe that the fertility journey, much like the journey of life, is a dance between taking intentional action and surrendering to the unknown; the divine order. Or as Arianna Huffington says, “Life is a dance between making it happen and letting it happen.” I believe that the way we craft our homes is a part of what we can do to take intentional action around what we want to call into our life.

Making physical space for our future self, our future partnership, or our future baby is a way of communicating to the universe that we are clear with what we want and we believe that we are worthy of it.

It is one piece of the puzzle. Now of course, nature does her thing, and sometimes that isn’t aligned with what we desire, or it may not happen in the timeline that we long for. So while we can do the work to ready our homes, we also must surrender to the unknown, trust in the divine timing, and find happiness with all that we already have.

You’ve mentioned a connection between the womb and our home. Can you please elaborate?

One very profound thing all humans share (whales, elephants, and lions too!) is that our very first home is the womb of our mother. This is so powerful. We are so developmentally tender while we are being carried in the womb of our mother, and we receive cellular imprints during this time that we carry throughout our life. This means that as we grow up and into adulthood, one very powerful way we can mother ourselves is by the way we create our own living spaces. Our first home is connected to every home we live in during our lifetime. It is where we eat, sleep, and grow, just like when we were in the womb.

What is your personal mantra?

There are many gems I’ve gathered throughout the years, but the one that I keep coming back to is a mantra that my mother gave me. It is very simple, yet so profound. “Follow your heart.” In a world that is moving so quickly, it is so easy to get stuck in our heads. The mind can be tricky sometimes, and doesn’t always provide the best compass. But the heart doesn’t lie. Along with our womb, it is our most trustworthy intelligence center.

Do you have a s spirit animal?

I feel very connected to so many animals, so this is a tough one for me. I’d have to say I am part mountain gorilla, part dolphin, and part sea hawk. I had the incredible blessing to see the gorillas in Rwanda last year and burst into tears when I saw a mama gorilla breastfeeding her baby. The dolphins are also so inspiring to me because of how they play together and their pod dynamic. And sea hawks are so free and amazing fliers, but they mate for life and always hunt with their partner, which I think is so romantic.

If you could collaborate with any one person to design a space, who would it be and why?

Cleopatra! I am fascinated by the architecture of the pyramids and of ancient Egypt. I want to know all the secrets she carried. A more grounded answer to that question would be a friend and inspiration of mine, Clive Wilkinson. He always thinks outside the box!

What is a fun fact that we would likely not know about you?

My mom is one of 10 children so I have an enormous family. And as a child I tap danced for 12 years. I still have a few moves!

Ready to embark on your own design journey? Kelly provides 1:1 design sessions and also leads the Where Spirit Meets Space design journey each month timed with the 28 day cycle of the moon. The journey brings Kelly's teachings to life in a progressive course that includes five 90-minute virtual sessions with a small community of other female participants. Together and with Kelly’s guidance, you’ll make simple yet powerful changes to your space that deepen your connection to your home, your spirit and our mother earth. The result is a transformative personal experience to not only reimagine your home but also who you are becoming.

The next Where Spirit Meets Space design journey begins October 3rd and runs through October 31st with live sessions each Saturday from 10:00am PST –11:30am PST. Learn more about the course and signup here. Fertilust readers receive an exclusive offer of 20% off the design journey.

ABOUT KELLY ROBINSON

Kelly Robinson is a conscious interior designer and spiritual guru, known for creating functional homes for pioneering companies like Airbnb, Headspace and Soundcloud among many others. In the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, she turned her focus to helping women navigate the new normal of working from home and authored a digital design guide entitled Where Spirit Meets Space, which weaves together ancient practices of Feng Shui and yoga with her holistic approach to interior design. To bring the book’s teachings to life, Kelly hosts sought-after workshops, private design sessions, as well as an intimate 28-day design journey offered monthly. 

A devoted spiritual seeker, Kelly is also a yoga teacher, birth doula, and naturalist. She is driven by a deep desire to nurture the human spirit and deepen our relationship to the planet and positively change the way we treat it. 

Kelly currently lives in Vancouver, Canada, and is dreaming up plans for her future off-grid home on the Big Island of Hawaii.

Want to stay in touch? Please contact Kelly through her site or follow her on IG!

Fertility wellness with Aimee Raupp. Your FSH & AMH do not define you

Photo Credit: Christa Meola

Photo Credit: Christa Meola

I have been drawn to Aimee for years, before I conceived and was deep in the throes of my initial bout of infertility. I came across Aimee when I was searching for fertility resources and was impressed by her gentle yet confident nature which comforted me into believing that as a late thirty something, there was still hope that I could pregnant.

Aimee and I finally met in person when I moderated a panel last year on (in)fertility at Claudia Chan’s S.H.E. Summit. I loved Aimee’s approach towards wellness as a lifelong journey rather than just for fertility. I also admired her authenticity in sharing that her personal story hasn’t always been perfect either.

It is my esteemed honor and privilege to introduce you to Aimee Raupp, health, wellness and fertility expert who also has earned the title of Fertility Detective. Read on below to learn more about Aimee and join us this Sunday for our bi-monthly Sunday Session. Aimee will be joining me live to share more about her story along with several fertility wellness tips.

You’ve been called the fertility detective. How did you earn that title and when did you know that you were on to something?

AR: I initially gave myself the title, mainly because that's how I feel about the work I do. I am a fertility detective. I literally look under every single rock to help my clients figure out why they're having challenges. I'm so much more than just an acupuncturist, or an author, or a woman who's been in the field of women's health and fertility; I am a fertility detective. I look at the emotional component, the physical component, the nutritional component, and I put all the pieces together to figure out why a woman isn't getting or staying pregnant.

In your view, what is the most major roadblock to getting pregnant?

AR: Environmental toxins. They are endocrine disrupting chemicals that can be found in our bath and beauty products, the hormones in our foods, processed packaged foods, or stress, poor sleep hygiene and other environmental stressors.

Are there any fertility myths that you would like to debunk?

AR: AMH and FSH aren’t everything.

Your AMH and FSH should not define you as these numbers are not static and they can change all the time.

AMH and FSH only tell us about the guesstimate amount of eggs you have left. These numbers tell us nothing about the quality of those eggs. You can improve your egg quality. Age has very little to do with your fertility, if you are menstruating and ovulating you can biologically get pregnant.

You’ve proven that women get pregnant after 40; can you share why not all hope is lost?

AR: I got pregnant without medical intervention at the age of 40. I have helped hundreds of women over the age of 40 get pregnant and stay pregnant. Age is just one factor that comes into play in regards to fertility, but it is not the ultimate factor, and it is not the end game. As I just said if you are menstruating and ovulating regularly pregnancy is a possibility. And a lot of times even if you're not menstruating and ovulating regularly you can potentially get pregnant eventually too.

Is there anything about your own personal journey that you would like readers to know?

AR: That I personally still have hope. 

Even at the age of 45, I believe in my body and its ability to get and stay pregnant with a healthy vital child.

Why is optimizing overall health important when we think about fertility and beyond?

AR: Your fertility is an extension of your health. Health is mental, emotional, physical and nutritional. They are not separate. All of these factors contribute to your overall fertility and ability to get and stay pregnant.

What are several tips for someone looking to conceive for the first time or even facing secondary infertility?

AR: I think the most important things to realize is that your health is an extension of your fertility. So if you are dealing with digestive issues, skin issues, sleep issues, mental and emotional issues or other problems, they are all a reflection of your health which ultimately impacts your fertility. So when you are thinking about trying to conceive or actively trying to conceive, the main goal should be first to get your health in the best shape possible.

Food is medicine. You cannot out supplement a crappy diet.

Stress plays a major role in your house and ultimately your fertility. Sleeping 7 to 8 hours and night is crucial for balance hormones. Eating enough protein and fat is crucial for balance hormones.

What are your go-to resources for self care during fertility?

AR: I always bring it back to: how are you nourishing you?  How are you feeding yourself? How are you treating yourself? How are you talking to yourself? Who are you surrounding yourself with? Are you taking time for you? Are you prioritizing you? These are the points that are so important to understand when it comes to self care and fertility. You need to put you and your health and vitality first. 

Blogger’s note: Aimee believes that bone broth is medicine. It’s not only nourishing for the soul, but also for the womb. Check out her tutorial on how to make bone broth here!

Interested in learning more? Visit aimeeraupp.com. Also, if you purchase anything in Aimee’s shop, use the promo code FERTILUST10 for 10% off!*

About Aimee Raupp: Aimee Raupp, MS, LAc, is a renowned women’s health & wellness expert and the best- selling author of the books Chill Out & Get Healthy, Yes, You Can Get Pregnant, and Body Belief. A licensed acupuncturist and herbalist in private practice in New York, she holds a Master of Science degree in Traditional Oriental Medicine from the Pacific College of Oriental Medicine and a Bachelor’s degree in biology from Rutgers University. Aimee is also the founder of the Aimee Raupp Beauty line of hand-crafted, organic skincare products. She has appeared on The View, and has been featured in Glamour, Allure, Well + Good, GOOP, Shape, and Redbook, and has received endorsements from Deepak Chopra, Dr. Christiane Northrup, Arianna Huffington, and Gabby Bernstein for her work in helping thousands of women to improve their vitality, celebrate their beauty, and reconnect to the presence of their optimal health. Aimee is also the Head of Chinese Medicine at The Well, an active columnist for media outlets such as Thrive Global, Well + Good, MindBodyGreen and is a frequent speaker at women’s health & wellness conferences across the nation. She engages her large community worldwide through her online programs and with her website, www.aimeeraupp.com.

 *I am an affiliate of Aimee Raupp’s because I believe in her services and products. If you purchase anything from her store from my link, I will receive some funds. Just wanted to let you know. Thank you!

Whole Life Leadership with Claudia Chan

Photo courtesy of Claudia Chan

Photo courtesy of Claudia Chan

I was deep into infertility treatments and they were not going well… I had worked with four doctors and had gone through four treatments (2 IVF) by the time I heard Claudia Chan speak on stage at her annual S.H.E. Summit. At the time I was closeted about my unexplained infertility diagnosis to hide the massive shame that weighed on my shoulders. I had also thrown myself even deeper into my work as a corporate brand marketer because I could actually work for wins there.

These sentiments bring me to why I was at the S.H.E. Summit. The conference is all about leadership and empowerment. I bought a ticket for professional growth, yet I left changed on a much deeper level personally.

When Claudia shared “Things happen for you, not to you”, it resonated with me on such a deep level. For the first time I saw that the beast that is infertility as an opportunity… to accept, learn, grow and support others. I began taking the step to understand that I was not in fact alone and that by sharing, not only did I feel more comfortable with my diagnosis, I could help others feel less alone, ashamed and all of the things that had made me question myself at my very core.

Claudia is not just an executive leadership expert, she is a whole life leadership guru who empowers others to share their stories in support of a greater cultural change - at home, at work and in the community.

Read on to learn more about Claudia and join us this Sunday, July 26th at 8p ET to hear how you can channel your why and help you thrive as an impactful and inclusive leader in all aspects of your life.

What gets you out of bed in the morning?

CC: My whole-life purpose as a wife, mother, leader of a mission and movement … and to get into connection with spirit. 

What moved you to create S.H.E. GLOBL and the S.H.E. Summit?

CC: I grew up in the community of women — an incredible working mom, an all-girls high school, Hewitt in New York, and an all women’s college, Smith in Northampton, Massachusetts.

Soon after college, I started SHECKY’s GIRLS NIGHT OUT with a partner which turned into a multi-million dollar business by the time I was 29. I hit a point though where I felt I had material success but lacked purpose.

In 2012, I noticed that the people around me were not engaged in women’s issues, so I launched S.H.E. Summit as a conference to activate them as change agents to fuel movements in topics most personal to them. Since then we have had over 600 speakers and impacted over 100,000 people to rise as impactful, inclusive leaders. Today, our S.H.E. GLOBL movement stands for “Advancing SHE, HE & Equity for All - and we do this by training professionals in what I call whole-life leadership, a framework that unlocks leadership for your career, workplace, family and community--starting with mental health as your # 1 leadership priority. The traditional definition of leadership is too one-dimensional and exclusive.

I believe that to achieve a more thriving and equal global workplace and humanity, we need people to embrace this whole-being approach to leadership.

Because of Covid-19 we have been innovating our virtual offerings to support women, men, and all people in this curriculum. On August 1, we are announcing two programs. The first is the S.H.E. Summit 12-Month Virtual Conference Membership which will put you in a community of changemakers for powerful monthly trainings and include the 9th annual conference November 9-13. For those that want to build their leadership credentials and go deeper in developing a three-year whole-life leadership vision, we offer the How We Rise “Whole-Life Leadership” Certificate Program born out of my book This Is How We Rise

Which accomplishments in your career would have most surprised your 30 year-old self? 

CC: Some of my greatest highlights have been:

Sharing a conference stage with Michelle Obama 

The US State Department sending me to South Korea for a country wide speaking tour to empower women in 2015 while I was pregnant with my 1st child

Becoming a UN Women's Champion for Innovation 

Having had over 600 speakers on my S.H.E. Summit stage and over 100,000 leadership actions have been taken by people since 2012

What does empowerment mean to you?

Empowerment means pursuing my calling, my big bold dreams, and my visions with internal peace. Being in a state where all self-doubt has been silenced and replaced with confidence and exhilaration. 

In your view what is the intersection between fertility and empowerment?

CC: Fertility represents birth and creation to me… being in a place where your whole-self is healthy enough and ready for creating miracles...for doing the impossible. I believe that when we are more empowered, we are more fertile. 

You’ve openly shared about your miscarriage which happened during a Summit. How did the experience affect and change you?

CC: I had a miscarriage before I had my first child Jackson. The miscarriage happened on the first day of the S.H.E. Summit 2014 and it was really hard. I started bleeding and on the second day of the conference, I checked into the hospital after moderating Catherine Maladrino and Soledad O’Brien on a “Girl’s Can” topic that Cover Girl was sponsoring. At first I felt ashamed and guilty because back then miscarriage was still an invisible conversation full of stigma. But I have learned (and teach in my curriculum) our pain can be our positive impact. I knew I had to share the story on my conference stage in the future and I did so in 2016 with my son Jackson sitting on the stage with me.

Why do you think that the discussion around women’s reproductive health and fertility is largely taboo in the corporate space? 

CC: Based on the gender history we come from and how traditional roles of women and men have been defined, there are just so many invisible barriers and conversations that we need to shed light on and transform. I teach that the equality movement is not just one movement -- it is “macro-movement” made up of thousands of movements and we need all people to start, lead change and fuel these movements -- especially the ones that are unnamed.

Fertility is in and of itself a macro-movement as there are so many areas (IVF, surrogacy, etc.) to tackle.

Which mantra do you live by? 

Mental health and mindfulness is my #1 leadership priority. 

Do you have a favorite self-care ritual?

I am a Christian so spending time with God and prayer is a big one. 

What are you reading right now? 

The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer


Claudia Chan is the founder of the award-winning leadership conference, S.H.E. Summit, which has made advancing women, diversity and inclusion both accessible and actionable since 2012. She is also the author of the bestselling business book, THIS IS HOW WE RISE: Reach Your Highest Potential, Empower Women, Lead Change in the World. In her book, she coined the term, “Whole-life leadership,” as a more accessible, whole-life integrated approach and gender-traits-balanced definition. Claudia’s book was celebrated as a “2018 must-read for any woman and for many men” by CNBC, featured in The New York Times and listed top six on 800-CEO-Read. She was also named one of eight UN Women Champions for Innovation.   

 Learn more about the S.H.E. Summit here and follow along on social @shesummit and @claudiachanwagner

Blogger’s footnote: This interview has been a long time coming… In fact, our first interview was 4 years ago and the recording was 2.5 hours long. Needless to say, Claudia and I had a lot to talk about and it never got published. I am thrilled to finally be sharing with you.

The convergence of infertility x race. An interview with Dr. Loree Johnson

Photo courtesy of Dr. Loree Johnson

Photo courtesy of Dr. Loree Johnson

Amid protests and a long overdue breaking point resulting in a world crying out to address racial inequalities and injustices, I was incredibly moved when I came across a heartfelt video that Dr. Loree Johnson shared discussing the intersection of infertility and race trauma. Up until that point, I am embarrassed to admit that I hadn’t realized that race might play a factor in access to quality health care let alone infertility treatment. That is a privilege that I am now addressing.

After listening to Dr. Loree and many other black women in the infertility community, I was floored as I pieced together research from studies conducted relatively recently which revealed that black women have lower IVF success rates and are more likely to suffer from a pregnancy loss. According to research, infertility affects at least 12% of all women through the age of 44 and black women may be almost twice as likely to experience infertility as white women. Yet only 8% of black women between the ages of 25 - 44 seek medical help. A survey of more than 1,000 women highlighted that black women are 2x as likely to avoid talking about their fertility challenges.

During our upcoming Sunday Session on July 19th, Dr. Loree will discussing some of the drivers of these issues including harmful stereotypes that black women are hyper-fertile and a general mistrust by the black community of the medical community based on historical experiences. We will also discuss how infertility impacts relationships.

Through becoming educated, advocating for representation and research, together with the BIPOC community, non-BIPOC communities have the ability to become an ally in supporting ending the flagrant disparity that not only exists in the infertility space but also the healthcare community at-large.

As we shed light on the global impact of race and infertility trauma, I am grateful that Dr. Loree shared her personal experience which has shaped her outlook and experience on this very important topic.

Did your infertility journey impact your career? Your own relationships?

LJ: Sadly, I’m not immune to feeling the effects of fertility struggles. Being around babies has been especially hard since I experienced my first miscarriage. It has been challenging watching other couples grow their families and seeing children that would be the same age as mine. My family and friends have been as supportive as they know how to be; it’s hard when you’ve never experienced fertility struggles or pregnancy loss. 

It has also been particularly challenging being a mental health provider who is also undergoing the struggles that I treat. However, normalizing my experiences and feelings have immensely helped me heal, which has only had a positive impact on my work as a clinician and coach. I can relate to my clients as a member of their community and not simply as some “expert.”

Can you share something that you learned about yourself as a result of your fertility journey?

My fertility journey helped me find purpose in my pain.

LJ: I learned that I could wade through various stages of overwhelm and still thrive. My process didn’t always feel graceful, and I felt awkward most times, but it was mine, and I am so proud of it.

What brings you joy?

LJ: The color purple, my dog Amore, traveling to places off the beaten path with my hubby.

You have been transparent about your recurrent pregnancy loss; how did/do you cope, and do you have any words of wisdom to share with others who have also suffered loss? 

LJ: Whenever I hear about someone experiencing a pregnancy loss or child, I experience a sinking feeling in my gut. The pregnancy/child loss club is one membership that no one ever signs up for. Each grieving process is going to be different, and the process is far from linear, where you reach a place of “acceptance,” as most grief models suggest.

I usually tell others what other bereaved mothers told me, “Your grief, your journey!”

Hearing those words allowed me the freedom to feel sad for as long as I needed to, to experience joy in whatever ways I could, to honor the depths of my anger that frustrated the heck out of me and appreciate the need to vacillate between seemingly opposing feelings as part of my pattern.

What gets you out of bed every morning?

LJ: My strength and resilience get me out of bed every morning. When I was heavy in the grieving process, getting through my day felt like a chore. When I turned a corner, I felt light again in a way I never imagined.

Recognizing how far I’ve come inspires me to push forward and show others how they can too.

Recently you have shared about the intersection of racial trauma and infertility trauma. Are you open to sharing about an experience you’ve had?

LJ: While the link between stress and fertility issues have long been challenged in science, I never fully believed it was not a factor. When I think about the everyday experiences of BIPOC, I always wondered how stress- mainly stemming from racial trauma, could NOT impact one’s fertility. If we know there’s a mind/body connection that helps improve our chances of conception, how would overt or covert negative messages about one’s race/ethnicity not impact one’s ability to conceive? 

In a conversation with a colleague from graduate school years ago, I mentioned my struggles with recurrent pregnancy loss and wondered about the connection between racism and infertility. She immediately affirmed my hypothesis, citing a friend of hers, making the same assertion. There was very little data out at the time, but the concerns were there.

To understand my infertility trauma, I think it’s important to understand my experience with racial trauma. I grew up in Richmond, VA, which used to be known as the Capital of the Confederacy. I went to school with descendants of many Confederate war heroes who were memorialized throughout the city. I was called the “n-word” a few times as a child and endured questions/comments from well-meaning white people about my hair, skin color, and manner of speech, which seemed like ways to join or relate but were only veiled racist ideas about who I was. After high school, I naively left the South thinking that life would be more progressively elsewhere. 

I spent my undergraduate and graduate years in Upstate New York, where I first encountered a doctor who I later believed held assumptions about me. After months of pelvic pain, she diagnosed me with Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, when, in fact, I had grapefruit and lemon-sized fibroids growing outside my uterus. After discovering that information, I felt suspicious about why she could not feel them when she completed my pelvic exams, which also included rectal exams each time (which I had never experienced before going to her or since). I had only one sexual partner and told her such, but she floated that diagnosis for a while until I pushed for more tests. 

I moved to the Los Angeles area almost twenty years ago and was shocked to see covert racism, bubbling beneath the surface. I worked in community mental health for several years, where most of the providers were white and the communities served were of color. I continued to endure well-meaning white colleagues commenting on my hair, skin color and that just became the norm. I brushed it off, but these microaggressions persisted and still do. 

Early during the Obama era, I had a sticker on my car, and it was vandalized.

Shortly after moving in with my now-husband, I was walking to the beach when a car slowed down, and one white man yelled to me, “White Power! The KKK will rise again!” Now we live down the street from a house that proudly hangs a confederate flag in the garage.

When in a group with my white family members, I’ve been carded when making purchases, and they haven’t. 

I can’t even tell you the countless number of people who still take liberties in reaching out to touch my hair. 

I’m sure there are more experiences that I can’t recall now, but the feelings of heaviness are still there. 

I’d also like to add that being the point person for all things racial for well-meaning white people is emotionally exhausting.

It’s tiring to try to explain why someone touching your hair or being carded is tiring, especially when people look at these experiences through their lenses of privilege where it might be happening innocently.

The statistics are staggering, and clearly the health care community needs to do better. Do you have any words of wisdom to share with BIPOC women suffering from infertility prior to seeking treatment?

LJ: Rest. Give your body what it needs and block out challenging things whenever you can. Go where you feel supported and feel seen.

What are one or two ways in which the infertility community can be an ally to black women in it? 

LJ: I have been telling my white stepdaughters how much power they have as white women to change the conversation and demonstrate allyship.

Being a good ally isn’t just about providing space to discuss racial issues. It’s about recognizing your privilege and using it to support your fellow women.

For those of us who don’t have the luxury of not being subjected to racism, it’s crucial to find ways to change the system the supports and perpetuates racist ideas. I think it’s important to get educated, as many of us (including myself) need to do. Generally, we were all taught the same history, and we need to relearn how we got here to envision a different system. 

Now that more data is coming out about the impact of racism and infertility, therapists and coaches can provide more space for their BIPOC to discuss their fertility experiences from a racial lens.

To learn more about the convergence of infertility and racial trauma, read Dr. Loree’s recent published piece in Thrive Global.

Dr. Loree Johnson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and Coach in private practice with more than 25 years of experience as a clinician, educator, and clinical supervisor. Specializing in women’s mental health and reproductive health, Dr. Johnson helps her clients overcome the emotional challenges that come with fertility challenges - including pregnancy loss and emotional trauma. She also helps couples, who have become divided by their fertility journey, strengthen their connection. Dr. Johnson is a clinical fellow of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, and has served on both its state and national boards. She lives in Hermosa Beach, CA with my husband and toy poodle. In her spare time, she enjoys salsa dancing, traveling, reading, and riding my motorcycle.

Get to know more about Dr. Loree Johnson here and find her on IG @drloreejohnson

Getting grounded with Valerie Oula

Valerie Oula

Valerie Oula

I met Valerie Oula in February this year at Self-Love Rituals, an event that I programmed for HeyMama at the Detox Market in NYC.

Valerie set the tone for the event with an awe-inspiring kundalini yoga meditation. It still gives me chills thinking about the change of tone in the room, from excited frenetic energy to tranquility at the conclusion of the meditation. Experiencing that shift in a room full of 50 people was transformational. It was clear that Valerie has a gift.

Since that time, Valerie has taken her practice online and has been sharing her gift of guided meditation which has helped ease my angst and provide some grounding during this unsettling time. So much so that I thought that this community could also benefit by meeting Valerie - both through a virtual event and getting to know a bit more about her on my blog.

I am delighted to announce that I am launching a series called Sunday Sessions to introduce you to incredible experts including Valerie who are available to support you during your fertility journey and beyond. Valerie will be kicking off our first-ever Sunday Session event with a guided kundalini yoga meditation this July 12th at 8p. You can register for the private event by sending your RSVP to hi@fertilust.com

And now, I am pleased for you to “meet” Valerie…

As a native New Yorker, how did you find spirituality?

I was never looking for spirituality. I was never a seeker but I’ve always been curious about a lot of things but also a super skeptic. I grew up Catholic but didn’t consider myself religious let alone spiritual. Having heard about Reiki for awhile, I finally decided to book a session in early 2006. I experienced seeing colors and feeling as if I was flying through space in my my session. I subsequently told myself that it was just my imagination but it planted a seed: there might be something more than what’s obvious to the five senses.  Reiki was literally my gateway to spirituality. At the end of that year, my guy and I had no plans and he suggested going to the Zen Buddhist meditation place one block away from my apartment for a 5 hour meditation. And strangely enough, I had never meditated before but I said yes. It was through that meditation that I “heard” that I should sign up for Reiki training. I did so the very next day.

Was there a moment or experience that led you to practice vibrational energy healing?

The moment that I decided to embrace energy healing was around 2011 after a photo shoot from hell in Arizona that I produced. We drove to Sedona after the job and while I was sitting up in the mountains, I “heard’ that it was time to start my professional practice. 

The foundation of New York City is crystalline bedrock. Do and how do you think that this contributes to the energy of the city?

There’s a fair amount of quartz and other crystals in the bedrock which absolutely contributes to amplifying the energy of city - which can be a lot. 

Where/how are you finding peace and stillness right now?

I’m finding joy in my sourdough starter, that took me seemingly forever to cultivate. Finding peace and stillness through a meditative baking process. Practice makes progress with sourdough boules!

What ritual might you recommend to someone facing infertility who is looking to quiet their mind?

Sound healing meditation helps to quiet the mind. Nothing to do but tune into sound. Meditations utilizing binaural beats are also excellent since the frequency in the background working on the brain paired with guided meditation is a win-win.

What do you recommend to get started in practicing mindfulness at home?

Insight Timer is an excellent free app. The Well offers meditation classes through their digital membership and also open for drop in classes as well!

Your mantra?

When nothing is certain, everything is possible.

Favorite healing ritual?

Gua Sha with rose quartz and a luxurious face oil

Spirit animal?

Raven/Crows

One word to describe your state of mind right now?

Surrendered

Valerie Oula is a KRI certified Kundalini Yoga Instructor, Reiki Master Teacher and a practitioner of many energetic healing modalities. She is the founder of Modern Ritual NY, a holistic lifestyle offering for mind, body and soul. From healing sessions, workshops and gong baths to specially curated crystals, these offerings designed to serve the divine light within all. Valerie is also the Director of Vibrational Energy Healing at The Well located in NYC.

Valerie’s spiritual name, Saranjeet means sanctuary and victory. Her one-on-one healing sessions and classes provide a strong container for clients and students to come into balance, to align with their true selves. Her path is to create sacred space for all to experience victory through energy work and the transformative technology of Kundalini Yoga.

Valerie’s first book, “A Little Bit of Reiki” published by Sterling Ethos was published last year.

Get connected with Valerie @valerieoula and @modernritualnyc

Pride and the Path to Parenthood

Credit: Jess and Heather Camarillo

Credit: Jess and Heather Camarillo

Heather and Jess Camarillo met in the early 2000's on MySpace! They were friends online for years and in 2010 it took a romantic turn. They were destined to become the Camarillo’s of Camarillo, CA!

Heather is a Systems Engineer at a leading tech company in California and Jessica is a former Security Engineer turned Real Estate agent. When they aren’t working you can find them at the beach or barbecuing in their backyard. They love being at home with their family, friends and fur babies, Lucy & Betty.

Together Heather and Jess share their story to not only de-stigmatize infertility and also to support the LGBTQ+ community with resources for the path to parenthood.

In honor of Pride month, I asked Heather and Jess to share their ongoing fertility journey with us.

HC: We started our journey in February of 2018 and discovered that I have extremely low AMH (0.12) which means I have Diminished Ovarian Reserve (DOR). We did two retrievals and were able to get two (2) viable embryos. We transferred the first embryo in October of 2018 and it did not implant. We transferred our second one in February of 2019 which also did not implant. We then went on to do 3 more IVF's. One of those IVF’s was canceled due to ovulation and on the other I had ovulated again at retrieval. During our last IVF we only retrieved 1 egg and it did not fertilize.

Luckily for us, in the summer of 2019 we met an amazing couple who had three (3) embryos to donate. We formed a very quick bond with them and they gave us their remaining three embryos!

We are now moving forward with the transfer hopefully in July of one of those donated embryos.

Our donated embryos are/were in Idaho since that is where they were frozen so we planned to do the transfer there. We didn't want to disturb the embryos at all by shipping them to our clinic in CA. However, due to the Covid-19 pandemic, travel has become difficult so we had one of the embryos shipped from the Idaho clinic to our clinic in Encino, CA!

We were very nervous about shipping our embryo. Our RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) told us from the beginning that there was a chance that our embryo's would not survive the trip. That was why we had ultimately decided to do our transfers in Idaho. While it is rare that the embryo does not survive, we wanted to make sure we did everything in our power to get it here (to our clinic in CA) safely. We went with a courier who was recommended to us by both clinics and also purchased the additional insurance. It was very stressful especially during the couple of days when we knew it was in transit, but everything worked out perfectly. It was a super smooth process and we couldn't be happier with the transportation company.

You recently shared that “IVF wasn’t the quick fix you thought it would be”. What do you wish you knew now about your journey that you didn’t know when you started?

HC: At the beginning especially before finding out about my DOR, we thought that this would be easy. We are just a same sex couple who needed some help introducing my eggs to some sperm. I always had very regular cycles so there were never any indications that there might be a problem. Even after our consultation with our RE we still felt like this would happen since age was on my side. Other than the DOR I am very healthy and my RE let us know that even patients with DOR can still have a perfect, little baby.

It wasn't until after the first transfer that it really sunk in that this was going to be anything but easy or quick.

I wish I knew exactly how much of an impact my low reserve was going to be on this process. What we really wish is that we were aware of all of this years ago and even if we weren't ready to have kids, I could have still frozen embryos when I was younger; when I most likely had more eggs. We wish we knew then what we know now.

Based on your experience, is there anything you wish your healthcare provider knew about the needs of the LGBTQ+ population?

HC: Our RE was actually very well informed and had worked with other LGBTQ+ couples previously. We are very lucky in that aspect that our RE knew how to work with us.

What can straight people learn about the LGBTQ+ community dealing with infertility?

HC: We feel not everyone understands that it's not always easy for the LGBTQ+ community to come out of fertility treatment successfully. It is very easy for some and they are so lucky and blessed, but, others like Jess and me it has been anything but an easy journey. 

Has the infertility journey changed you in any way?

HC: I don't know if it has changed me or if it has just made me realize things about myself that I didn't before we started.

I have realized that I am much stronger than I thought; I have never failed at something so much. Usually when I put my mind and all of my energy into something I come out successfully. This has been different, I have failed multiple times, but I pick myself back up and keep going.

Jess doesn’t feel changed really but definitely feels more educated in regards to infertility, treatment and has learned how to be supportive for someone who is going through the treatments. Jess has also become an expert with administering injections which is something she never thought she could do!

We have both stepped outside of our comfort zones in so many ways on this journey and it has only made us stronger than we ever thought we could be.

Has infertility impacted your relationship?

HC: I think if anything it has brought us closer. I have heard that this can unfortunately impact relationships in a negative way. Jess and I want the same thing, we talk through everything and always make sure we are on the same page and are still aligned. Jess has been so supportive through all of this, she rarely misses any of my appointments and I feel very lucky to have such a supportive partner by my side.

How has your infertility experience amplified your pride in any way?

HC: So many in the LGBTQ+ community have believed the antigay rhetoric in our culture and have put off their dreams of parenthood.

I feel it's important that we help each other (in the LGBTQ+ community) feel empowered to try and have the families we have always wanted.

We heard and saw stories from others where they were treated poorly or even told they wouldn't be helped because of their sexuality. We felt that we wanted to help our community from having to go through this so we have built out a document with LGBTQ+ friendly clinics. We have also thought about creating an app where this information is easily accessible and up-to-date.

What resources can you share with others in the LGBTQ+ community who are considering expanding their families?

HC: There are many wonderful groups on Facebook actually that are specific for the LGBTQ+ community wanting to start families. They are extremely informative and supportive. Also, if you would like to look at our list of LGBTQ+ friendly clinics (national and international), here is the LINK. 

Support Heather and Jess’ journey by following their story @camarillosofcamarillo on IG.

Mindful Fertility: Meet Simone Tai

Simone Tai. Photo by @unicornproductionsla

Simone Tai. Photo by @unicornproductionsla

Right now more than ever, we need hope. Hope that this new world and all of the mental/emotional hardships that come with it. It’s hard to live a life on pause with constant concern for family, friends, and community, then add the complexities of infertility - cancelled cycles or feeling a sense of guilt to still be in it and/or possibly even scared that it might be cancelled at any given moment, or possibly even the anxiety of being pregnant after so many disappointments during the journey.

Enter Simone Tai, a beautiful soul who found her purpose during her infertility journey. Inspired by serving others and comforting herself, Simone left the film industry and became a meditation teacher. During this time of uncertainty, Simone’s kind heart and expertise remind us that above all hope and gratitude are not cancelled.

It is my sincere pleasure to introduce you to Simone.

Describe yourself in 5 - 7 words. 

ST: Liverpudlian lass with an adventurous compassionate soul.  (Liverpudlian means from Liverpool, England and ‘Lass' is slang for girl in the North of England) 

Quote that you live by?

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.” – Maya Angelou

What is your purpose and how did you find it? 

ST: To help women learn the tools to suffer less and know their true value, power and purpose. I’ve always naturally done this with friends but discovered it was my purpose during my own fertility journey.

I realized if I could learn how to get out of the way of my own pain and suffering and feel as fulfilled as I do today then I could truly help others do the same.

I learned how to harness these skills and see it in full effect when I became a meditation teacher. 

You've been on a fertility journey of your own, would you mind sharing a bit about it?

ST: Of course. It's a LONG story but I’ll try and keep it snappy.

My husband and I started trying for a baby soon after we married in 2012. Over the next 8 years we did everything and anything you can imagine (8 rounds of IVF, 5 rounds of IUI, clomid, supplements, acupuncture, energy work, plant medicine, crystals, multiple tests and procedures such as hysteroscopy for a septate uterus, immunology testing, laparoscopy, & recent diagnosis of endometriosis). No stone left unturned…  It was one of the hardest things i've been through and I’d never felt so worthless and broken. It became cathartic for me share my story by blogging about it in ‘bubblesandbumps’ and going on to do a TEDx talk. Hearing from supportive, kind women in the same boat made a big difference to me. 

After nothing but miscarriages and chemical pregnancies we did our final final frozen embryo round in January of this year which wasn't viable and have decided on no more medical intervention.  We will continue to take care of our health and will try naturally of course, but we are now really excited to be going through the adoption process and can’t wait to see how our baby will come to us.

The journey has been messy, it broke me, my husband and our marriage BUT we got help and healed.

Today, we have never been stronger, happier, more in love or more ready to have a family. A few years back I would never have thought this was possible. 

How has meditating taught you how to cope with the roller coaster of infertility?

ST: On a physiological level, meditation taught me the power of our thoughts and the mind-body connection. Research shows how mindfulness balances our hormones and regulates our monthly cycles (a crucial part of fertility that’s often ignored in Western medicine). I also use mindfulness to help me sleep and to feel energized in the day - a lifeline when taking meds and feeling overwhelmed and stressed!

On an emotional and spiritual level meditation taught me that I am more than my fertility story.

It showed me that I had the power to heal and soothe my suffering. That no matter what obstacles come my way in life I have all of the tools to navigate them. I now know how to live a life where I THRIVE and not just survive. 

What has this time of uncertainty taught you that you would like to pass along to readers?

Like so many others right now my job (at a local meditation studio) stopped abruptly and therefore so did my income.

I panicked and felt isolated at first but then asked why is this happening FOR me?   It gave me chance to PAUSE, look around and ask, how can I do this differently?

I embraced my fears and started my own online meditation classes and events, within 1 week I was booked by 2 big clients: NBC studios and CBS to be their regular mindfulness coach. IF I had stayed in the safety of my studio I wouldn't have braved something new.  Sometimes we are pushed in a new direction but it feels wrong at first, but the terrifying new road might just be the route that makes you.

What keeps you going? 

The feeling in my heart. The power of compassion.  The desire and ability to help transform suffering (mine and others) and into a life of love and beauty. 

As Thich That Hanh wrote ’No mud, no lotus'  The secret to happiness is to acknowledge and transform suffering, not to run away from it. The beautiful lotus flower needs the mud to grow.

If you could have dinner with anyone, who would be and why?

I’d have a dream dinner party! It's my nature!

Oprah for her wisdom and stories for days, John Lennon, fellow Liverpudlian to sing at the party, Martin Luther King to share his profound wisdom and compassion. I'd ask how he would handle modern day conflicts and corona virus! Prince Harry to share the royal gossip and because of his fun, cheeky side. I’d also have ‘Moira' from Schitt's Creek. She cracks me up! We all need humor in our lives, it's healing. 

About Simone Tai:

Simone Tai is a British Meditation Instructor and dedicated practitioner for over 14 years. Her qualifications include: 400hr Mindfulness Meditation teacher training, 200hr Vinyasa Yoga TT, Mindful Self-Compassion TT, Google’s Mindful Leadership SIYLI, and Reiki levels 1 & 2. 

Coming from a background of 15 years as a TV Producer, Simone first turned to meditation to help with work related anxiety and pressure. But it was an emotional 7 year fertility journey (shared in the blog 'Bubbles and Bumps) that led her to dive deeper into the practice. After seeing the immense benefits in her personal life and career, Simone now combines all her training and experience into her classes, workshops and courses to help others build inner strength, resilience and happiness. Her aim is to offer kindness and support whilst making meditation accessible and digestible to all!

Try this free 15 minute fertility meditation that helped soothe my anxiety and build my inner strength. 

Learn more about Simone through her site and Bubbles and Bumps fertility blog. For more meditation tips, please visit Simone’s YouTube channel. You can follow her on Instagram here or email her to find out about private sessions at simonetai@me.com

Photo credits: First photo: @unicornproductionsla. Others: @jacquelinepattonphoto

Pregnancy on Pause: Dr. Anate Brauer talks about infertility treatment & coronavirus

Dr. Anate Aelion Brauer A. Brauer, M.D., FACOG and Shady Grove Fertility - New York’s IVF Director

Dr. Anate Aelion Brauer A. Brauer, M.D., FACOG and Shady Grove Fertility - New York’s IVF Director

I never anticipated that we would be having the conversations that we are having now about the implications of a worldwide pandemic on infertility and fertility treatment. I often wonder what the world will look like in the (hopefully) not so distant future once we get past this pandemic; locally, nationally and globally.

What I have noted in these past few weeks is that humanity can be beautiful when we come together. Community empowers us to set aside our own fears and anxiety in support of one another and those on the front line. To support the mental health of other infertility warriors on hold with kindness and simply checking in, to feed hungry children who relied on getting a meal each day at a school which is now closed, to protect and nourish our healthcare workers with personal protective equipment (which is is dire shortage) and feed them healthy food to fuel their immunity during extensive shifts so that they can continue to save lives.

What you may not know is that in certain places around the country including NYC, our fertility doctors are also being asked to volunteer to be on the front line to fight against Covid-19. The same doctors that you know help create life are now being asked to sustain it. I had the opportunity to catch up recently with Dr. Anate Brauer, one of our healthcare heroes who is ready to the answer the call if it comes.

I cannot wait for a nation no longer on pause, to see Dr. Brauer live and thank her for her empathy as well as lending her support and expertise to both infertility and in relation to a cause that none of us saw coming.

Dr. Brauer, what does your work day look like now versus two weeks ago?

AB: Wow. Where to begin. Two-three weeks ago my office was bustling with patients excited to embark on their journeys to parenthood.  My day was filled with in-person consults, retrievals, embryo transfers and other procedures aimed at achieving the ultimate goal, PREGNANCY.  Over the past couple of weeks, following state local and national guidelines, we have quickly shifted to remote practice of medicine.  SGF (Shady Grove Fertility), as an organization, quickly developed and adopted an efficient telemedicine protocol which has been absolutely crucial in our continued delivery of care. Currently, my days are spent mostly on video consults as well as many calls and emails surrounding specifics of Coronavirus as it relates to fertility and pregnancy. As IVF Director of the New York region, I am also on SGF’s Coronavirus task force, which meets almost daily as situations change.  

What has changed about patient protocol and office visits since ASRM released its view on treatments?  

AB: Shady Grove Fertility - New York is now fully operational as a remote practice. It has been pretty incredible to see how quickly we made this happen. A patient calls to schedule a new patient or follow up visit, is registered into our secure portal where he or she will receive instructions on how to set up a link to a video consult.  That link is then placed in to my daily schedule. We both simply click on the link and we are connected on a HIPPA compliant platform on our phone, tablet or computer. The patient can also upload our patient questionnaire and any records into the portal with help of our patient coordinators so that I am able to review prior to our consult. We are not currently doing any non-urgent testing or treatment, however are working on abilities for remote testing.  We are continuing necessary in person care of our medical fertility preservation (for cancer) patients and our pregnant patients, and have very specific screening and social distancing protocols in the office. 

Is testing included in your screening for patients that may have been exposed to Covid-19?

AB: We are not currently offering coronavirus testing in our office. If patients have been exposed, they are directed to contact their primary care physician. 

What is SGF's view on pregnancy right now? How long does the medical community anticipate that it will take to understand any potential implications of pregnancy?

AB: The first reported cases of Coronavirus came out of China in November of 2019.  Since this is a novel virus, there is little data about its effects on pregnancy. Data existing about other Coronavirus is reassuring, however. This is why the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology and the Society for Maternal Fetal Medicine have NOT come out with statements that women should avoid pregnancy.  

Does a pregnant patient have the potential to become more ill from the virus and could it affect a developing a fetus?

AB: We do not have any reason to believe that a pregnant patient will become more ill from the virus. We also have no data to suggest that the virus can affect a developing fetus. It is important to note that any virus that causes high fevers, such as the flu for example, can cause pregnancy complications. Coronavirus is no different. 

Is SGF still planning to continue with new egg freezing, retrievals and transfers?

AB: SGF - NY is no longer initiating new, non-urgent fertility treatments. We are, however, very committed to taking care of our patients who require time sensitive fertility preservation, and therefore, will remain fully operational for those specific cases. 

Will there be any impact to the embryo if mom tests positive during the cycle?

AB: Not that we know of. 

Will SGF- NY proceed with treatment situations that require immunosuppressants?  

AB: We do not generally use immunosuppressants as part of our protocols as they are not evidence based, and in the current environment, likely cause more harm than good. 

What happens if someone had to cancel a treatment mid-cycle? Can their financial investment be recouped?

AB: There are clinical protocols in place of what to do medically if you must stop in mid cycle. These protocols revolve around decreasing risks of OHSS in the setting of no retrieval.

Financial investment is a whole different issue. Just as in the case of cancelled cycles for other reasons most clinics will only charge for what had been done thus far and therefore patients should be able to recoup the bulk of the cost that comes from the retrieval itself. Another option is crediting part of their current cancelled cycle to their resumed cycle after the virus is under control.

Anything else you would like the (in)fertility community to know?

AB: This is a very difficult time. As IVF director of a large center in the heart of NYC, I am faced with new challenges daily during these unprecedented times. Remember, we, as an IVF community have to not only protect our current patients, but protect our precious eggs and embryos in our freezers during a time of crisis and possible shut downs. We know and understand that infertility in and of itself is an extremely anxiety provoking state which makes the current situation even more unfathomable.

We are right there with you. We are a team that now more than ever needs to (and are) working together to find the safest and most practical solution(s).

This. Will. End.  You will build your family. And when you do, you will cherish it in a way the world has never experienced. That’s what crisis does. It makes you stronger and opens your eyes to new appreciations for everything around you. 

Dr. Anate Aelion Brauer A. Brauer, M.D., FACOG, is a board-certified reproductive endocrinologist with extensive experience in treating all medical and surgical aspects of infertility. She serves as Shady Grove Fertility - New York’s IVF Director. Learn more about Shady Grove Fertility - New York here, and Dr. Brauer on IG: @dranatebrauer

*Note: Clinics may be operating slightly differently based on ASRM guidelines and where they are located in conjunction with the epicenter (NYC) and other US hot zones.

More About Dr. Brauer. Dr. Brauer earned her medical degree from the George Washington University School of Medicine, where she was elected to the prestigious Alpha Omega Alpha medical honor society. She completed her residency in Obstetrics and Gynecology at New York Presbyterian Hospital-Weill Cornell Medical Center. Dr. Brauer subsequently completed her fellowship training in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at the Ronald O. Perelman and Claudia Cohen Center for Reproductive Medicine and Infertility-Weill Cornell Medical College. Prior to joining Shady Grove Fertility, Dr. Brauer was an Assistant Clinical Professor at NYU School of Medicine.

Dr. Brauer has expertise in ovulation induction, in vitro fertilization (IVF), egg freezing, pre-implantation genetic testing and third-party reproduction including donor egg, donor sperm, donor embryo, and gestational surrogacy. She applies the latest clinical data, state-of-the-art technology, and extensive clinical experience to optimize pregnancy rates while minimizing patient stress with her supportive approach to care.

Dr. Brauer has published and presented at numerous national meetings on the topics of optimizing fertility treatments in patients with diminished ovarian reserve, polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), or those using a gestational surrogate; fertility preservation; and complementary therapies in infertility. She is especially passionate about helping young patients with cancer build families, which has led her to serve on the Advisory Board of the Young Survivors Coalition. Dr. Brauer is a regular contributor on a variety of women’s health topics to local and national media such as Parents, Reader’s Digest, Refinery 29, Woman’s Health Magazine, Byrdie and Shape, to name a few. For Shape, she serves on their expert Brain Trust.

She is a fellow of the American Congress of Obstetrics and Gynecology and an active member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine and the Fertility Preservation Special Interest Group.

Dr. Brauer enjoys spending time with her husband and their three children. She also enjoys cooking and running or spinning for exercise in her free time.

Dr. Brauer, who is also fluent in Hebrew, joined SGF in 2019, and sees patients at SGF's New York office, located in the heart of Manhattan.

Trying? Why ovulation isn't everything

IMG_7906.jpg

Spoiler alert, I have been focused on ovulation for as long as I can remember and as a result have likely been missing my fertile window. I don’t know about you but despite fertility treatments, I always had a small glimmer of hope that in between them perhaps I could be a part of that tiny group of women who were surprised with a miraculous pregnancy. As a result, I have purchased more ovulation prediction kits than I could ever count over the years, either in hope or because of treatments.

I recently had the opportunity to try the Pearl Fertility ovulation prediction kit and it was unlike any other kit that I had ever tried. You might be thinking, but why, what makes it so special?

It’s unique because it provides laboratory-style testing at home and taught me that the time of ovulation and peak fertility aren’t necessarily one in of the same. Having access to my own personalized data through a scientific app and the ability to throw out the generalities of a typical 28-30 day cycle that I thought of as gospel, blew my mind.

My Pearl ovulation prediction kit arrived in a beautiful box with a barcode to set up my app on my phone, (15) LH sticks and (15) FSH kits, a urine catch cup, along with a cute little coaster to set it down on (love this attention to detail especially because I veer on the neat freak side of things). It also comes with two pregnancy tests, which I saw as an optimistic and sweet gesture for the “infertile” bunch of us that are going through treatments and may want to cheat during the 2WW. All I needed to provide was my mobile phone to take photos of the provided sticks through the Pearl app. The app analyzed my cycle through the images, provided a detailed description of my fertile window. What’s more is that it cheerily reminded me each morning that it was time to test.

The testing strips provided detect different hormone levels called lateral flow immunoassays (LFAIs) in urine. LFAIs bind the hormone to biomolecules which makes them easy to measure because they change color when they come in contact with urine. Most of these tests are usually interpreted in highly specialized labs but as you can imagine, these are quite expensive. This is where Pearl’s software steps in and is disrupting the space by providing more accurate results beyond the traditional ovulation kit. Pearl’s proprietary algorithm utilizes data from the test strips to detect hormone patterns to predict the cycle. (Note that after approximately two cycles, the software can predict a cycle well in advance so that you can “plan” accordingly). 

The software detects a patern of FSH (follicle-stimulationg hormone), LH (lutenizing hormone) and PdG (progesterone), which accurately predicts the fertile window when you are actually more likely to conceive. 

And guess what? I found out that the peak fertility window is actually approximately 3 - 4 days PRIOR to ovulation…

After ovulation, an egg is only “fertile” for 12 – 24 more hours. Sperm can survive in the body for 2 – 6 days post intercourse so maximizing a peak fertile window is important. This is especially important for those of us that are trying to conceive after 35. Every opportunity counts. Am I right?

I was so intrigued by this new FemTech which is redefining what we should expect from an ovulation prediction kit that I asked to connect with Dr. Leo Martinez, Founder of Pearl Fertility. I was interested in learning more about his new FemTech business and what inspired him to create it. Read on to find out more about Pearl Fertility.

What inspired you to start Pearl Fertility?

Women are busier than ever, take more (executive and) management positions, and spend far more time outside home than what used to be decades ago. This has created a more equitable society, but has become a challenge for fertility.

Natural fertility starts decreasing with age because of ovarian reserve. Thus, for women above 35 years of age it can take on average up to 10 months to conceive. That does not mean they are infertile, it just means that the chances are lessened. We found a gap when we found many sources of misinformation during our research that weren’t serving women who are desperate in finding actual solutions.

As a result, we leveraged our scientific backgrounds to build a product that can not only help women understand their fertility better (whether they are trying to conceive, or just tracking their hormones for treatments). This was (made) possible because of our core award-winning* technology, Google launchpad, and the European Commission which has allowed us to read all kinds of colorimetric diagnostic tests (specifically three individual hormones) by way of the camera on a mobile phone.

*The Pearl Fertility ovulation prediction kit was awarded as a Top Innovation by MIT Tech Review.

How is Pearl different than other ovulation prediction kits?

Pearl helps you chart your hormone levels: No more happy faces or ranges or thresholds. Instead, you get real hormone levels tracked over time. We have developed intelligent algorithms that run over the daily hormone data to give better predictions of the upcoming ovulation and based on that of a true clinically proven fertile window (the days with the highest chance to conceive). Now there is no more guesswork. Our test strips also measure hormones independently so you know exactly what hormone you are measuring. Other apps have appeared on the market that take pictures of the strips, but they lack the scientific intelligence levels to make (accurate) predictions. Additionally, our prediction algorithms which measure more than one hormone (and how they work together) are patented. The app can read FSH, LH and Progesterone. 

Is there a misconception about ovulation prediction kits that you would like to debunk?

Totally. Women are led to believe two things that are wrong about traditional ovulation prediction kits. The first misconception is that a positive test means the day of highest fertility. This is incorrect because the fertile window starts 6 days before ovulation and the top fertile time frame is 2 - 4 days before ovulation.

Although a (traditional ovulation) strip when positive can indicate fertility, it does not mean those are your most fertile days.

The second misconception is that a positive test means ovulation. This is incorrect because a positive test (in the case of LH) means that hormone levels are high or at their peak.

Many studies confirm that ovulation in fact happens approximately 24 hours after hormones peak. Another important factor to consider here is that not all peaks lead to ovulation as there are anovulatory cycles. 

To highlight the science behind this, please see the two figures built from a collection of clinical studies which represents the fertile window (FW) and the hormone peaks.

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Pearl Fertility is innovating to allow women to better understand their cycles. What are you most excited about when you think about the future of fertility?

I think Pearl Fertility is showing the world what is possible in terms of home diagnostics in the era of digitalization. Pearl Fertility is one of the first apps to be a medical device by itself listed in the FDA, and soon will be CE certified.

We have big plans for other tests. With regulations and investment which are tough for medical devices, it requires some time and a lot of money to develop. Pearl is a pioneer in the future of medicine. Right now we only show hormones, (all tested and interpreted) at home. Imagine if you could interpret patterns to prevent disease, treat disease, or predict disease.

I think that the future is that the clinic will come to you.

About Pearl Fertility’s Founder, Dr. Leo Martinez: Dr. Martinez is a Biotech Engineer and Entrepreneur. He holds a PhD in biosensors by the University of Cambridge, has published dozens of academic papers in the fields of biosensors, photonics, mobile apps and fertility. He was listed as one of the Top Innovators under 35 in 2015 by the MIT Technology Review for the developing of the ‘smartphone-diagnostics’ technology behind Pearl. For more information about Pearl Fertility please visit pearl-fertility.com or follow them @pearlfertility

*Please note that I was not paid to review the Pearl Fertility ovulation prediction kit. I am an affiliate however which means that if you purchase a kit at 10% off with my discount code: FERTILUST10, a small percentage of the sale will go to me.

Both Sides: A couple's perspective on their infertility journey

Photo Credit: Filipa Jackson and Sameer Walji

Photo Credit: Filipa Jackson and Sameer Walji

As high school sweethearts, Filipa Jackson and Sameer Walji spent countless hours daydreaming of their future. They saw a house, a dog, and five kids. Being a young and healthy couple, they didn't foresee any problems once they were married. With the house and a dog checked off their list, their next move was to have kids. Little did they know that this would be the start of a long journey…

After three years of undergoing countless fertility treatments, they finally got their positive pregnancy test after a round of IVF + ICSI and FET with their only embryo. Though their story has been filled with heartbreak and letdowns, they found their way through - with the support and encouragement of each other.

Here is a rare glimpse into both sides of the story.

Filipa, what went through your mind when you decided to start fertility treatment? 

FJ: I felt a weird mixture of disbelief and relief. I was scared and excited all at the same time. It seemed like I was finally on the right path.

What do you know now that you wish you knew then?

FJ: That DNA Fragmentation tests are so important. I just can't imagine the amount of unexplained infertility cases that might have been helped. They should be given to a man at the start of the fertility journey, there just isn't enough testing for men, it's all on the women. We would have saved thousands of dollars and countless months of heartbreak if this test had just been done at the beginning.

Who was your support system and how/did you feel supported?

FJ: My husband, Sameer, was my greatest source of support. Through all of this we became super close. No topics were off limits. The good, bad, and downright ugly. We saw each other at our lowest, and were there to hold one another.

What was your low and what kept you going?

FJ: My lowest point was during IVF. We were waiting for our last two embryos to become blastocysts. It was day 5 and my fresh transfer was cancelled. Why? Well because my little embryos were only at 90 cells, they needed 100 cells, and if they didn't grow over night, it would be game over. Thank goodness they made it. But I remember those loooooong 24 hours of waiting in hell. I was a heap on the floor, but my darling husband and fluffy forever puppy Coal joined me there. They validated my feelings and let me cope the only way I could in that moment.

Was there a silver lining?

FJ: I had lots of silver linings, but the one that I cling to most is connections. Through this I became closer to my husband, my family, and I truly found myself.

First thought when you found out that you were pregnant?

 FJ: What?! We were in pure disbelief. I had done a sneaky test about 5 days prior and it was negative. We just couldn't believe that the beautiful second line was real.

You have been upfront in sharing that you didn’t publicly share about your infertility journey to protect yourself. In hindsight, is there anything that you know now that you wish you had known going in?  What would you have shared/said to those battling infertility?

I wish I had spoken out sooner. I would have realized how therapeutic it is, I would have also seen that I wasn’t alone and that the fertility community is a wonderful supportive place. So if you need to reach out, don't be afraid to, yet also know that on the opposite side, it's ok to be quiet. There is no wrong or right way to deal with what you're going through. You find what works best for you. 

Sameer, what went through your mind when you went through the first infertility treatment with Filipa?

SW: Fear was my main emotion! Fear of the unknown. I'm not one to visit a doctor for anything, now I'm letting them in on the most sensitive of topics.

What do you know now going in, that you wish you knew then?

SJ: Well the cat’s out of the bag, my swimmers aren't as great as we were led to believe. So I would've done the DNA Fragmentation test right away. I can't recommend it enough.

Did you do and/or change anything to support Filipa during the process?

SW: We were both going through lifestyle changes. My main ones were trying to be more active, eating healthier and kicking my daily beer to the curb.

Who was your support system and how/did you feel supported?

SW: I think as a man, you feel like you are the one providing the support. I didn't really have anyone apart from Filipa. It's not something the guys chat about down at the pub. But Filipa was there for me, she kept me sane.

What do you think holds most men back from discussing infertility? 

SW: Pride. It feels like your masculinity is questioned when you're going through fertility treatments. Pathetic I know. I didn't have the strength to talk about it before, but this is something I avidly want to change.

First thought when you found out that you and Filipa were pregnant?

SW: Disbelief. We had gone through all of this for YEARS! My mind was pre-programmed for failure. So it took a while to sink in, but boy once it did... pure joy!

If you were going to do an infertility PSA for men, either dealing with male factor and/or supporting a partner undergoing treatment, what would it be?

SW: It may sound cliché but communication really is key. It makes comprehending issues so much easier. Filipa and I would talk for hours, not only about fertility but everything really. It was super therapeutic and brought us a lot closer. So don't be afraid to be vulnerable in front of each other, you are a team, you are in this together.

Please support Filipa and Sameer as they continue their journey! Drop by their site PlayingWithApparel where both Filipa and Sameer candidly share about their experience and don’t forget to say hello. You can also find Filipa and Sameer on IG at @filipajackson and @playingwithapparelmen

Q & A with Kelly McLay: on early menopause, marathons and motherhood

Photo courtesy of Kelly McLay

Photo courtesy of Kelly McLay

At the age of 24, Kelly McLay was diagnosed with the seemingly impossible - premature ovarian failure (early menopause). This is the story of how a marathon helped her journey take on a new meaning - keeping her running towards the finish line and her family.

You were diagnosed with hypothyroidism at 10. Did your doctor recommend any lifestyle or diet changes? Was there any discussion about your future fertility?

KM: Thyroid (disorders) run in my family so it was almost inevitable that someone in my immediate family would have one.  My grandparents, my mom, my two uncles, my cousins and my sister and I all have a thyroid condition.  We are an overall healthy family so there were no discussions about diet. While women with thyroid issues have greater fertility issues, I was only 10 at the time I was initially diagnosed and usually any major complications from the disorder begin around age thirty so infertility was not the focal point in my youth. To entirely lose my infertility in my early twenties was a shock.  It’s also rare that a thyroid condition would result in complete (ovarian) failure. My sister has a thyroid condition and has had two babies naturally, with a third on the way.   

Was there a tipping point in your early twenties or an experience that pushed you to seek medical assistance?

KM: In the (Women’s Health) article I reference that I was a hot mess.  I was truly out of control, both physically and mentally.  I had sought support from a medical professional for over a year who upon my third visit asked, “Why are you here? Your symptoms haven’t changed”.  That pushed me over the edge. I remember saying, “I understand that I am not bleeding profusely but this is not me. I don’t go to bed at 8pm and then wake up tired twelve hours later”.

I had always been athletic but gained over 45 pounds that year alone.  I was tired all of the time, cranky, crying and acting irrationally. My doctor advised that I was just getting older.  I sought a second opinion and that doctor finally listened. She asked if I had ever had my thyroid tested so I shared that I had a thyroid issue when I was younger but was told that I no longer needed to take the medications. Loaded with this background, my new doctor retested my thyroid.

The tests revealed that my metabolism was that of a 90-year-old woman.

My new doctor was so supportive and prescribed thyroid medication for me to take daily, advising that the medication should fix my symptoms, but if I noticed anything else to please let her know.  I felt crazy sharing seemingly irrational symptoms, but did anyway. I had been crying about a lot of things, I felt off balance, at some points happy and then immediately sad. I would sweat through my bed(sheets) every night and then have to change them because they were soaked through. Upon hearing this, my doctor offered to run some blood work. Neither of us had any idea what information I would soon receive. My FSH levels revealed that I was well beyond menopause.  I asked where someone my age was on the scale and she said they’re not.

The results were definitive, I had gone through menopause.

How many doctors did you see before you received the diagnosis of menopause?

KM: Two.  One who didn’t listen and one who took the time to hear what I was saying, even though my symptoms were not at all typical for someone my age. 

You mentioned that the ultrasound tech described your ovaries as “shriveled raisins”. Do you recall your first reaction?

KM: Do I ever.  My eyes are tearing with the memory.  I would expect that when most people think of ultrasounds, they might correlate it to pregnancy and seeing an outline of a baby. At least that is what I associated ultrasounds with…

At my first-ever ultrasound the technician volunteered out loud, that my ovaries looked like shriveled raisins. I just laid there quietly on the exam chair as the tears dripped from my wide open eyes and off of the sides of my face. I will never forget that moment.  I wish I had said something but in the moment I remained stoic until she left, and then cried more. 

At what point were fertility options discussed and how did you feel when you were told that you would have to use an egg donor? 

KM: After the diagnosis I saw a series of doctors. They all began with a discussion of diet and maintenance.  We spoke about potential side effects of long-term use of estrogen (during cancer treatment) and also possible effects of not being on not being on estrogen (bone density loss and increased cardiac concerns).  I was advised to increase soy into my diet, to add supplemental estrogen, and use kegel balls (to strengthen my vaginal muscles). All of this was a shock, I didn’t fully grasp all that was happening,

Almost immediately, I had an appointment to see if there were any follicles remaining and if they could be stimulated.  I was desperate to hold onto any flicker of fertility. But there here wasn’t an option. Egg freezing didn’t really exist at that time. Regardless, the results of the follicle exam indicated that there was no amount of stimulation which could result in any eggs to freeze.

One (fertility) doctor said to me point blank “At the end of the day I can get you pregnant but it won’t be your baby”.

I burst into tears.  Her delivery landed coldly and harshly. It was then that I realized that the only opportunity in which I could carry would be via donor. It was a stark reality at the age of 24.

It took a long time to advocate for myself and find a medical team that cared and understood. I now have an amazing team who are almost like family. My endocrinologist and fertility doctors have truly been on this journey with me; I am so grateful for their support. When my husband and I were ready to do the egg donor process and begin fertility (treatment), the first clinic we went to had their own agenda and not ours in mind. It was important for us to find a place where they had our best interests in mind so I am grateful we looked for a second option and found what we were looking for.  

I can now tell that person who is considering egg donor that my baby is every bit mine and even acts like it too. Friends always say “are you sure she is not your DNA”!

You wrote that running inspired you to own your diagnosis of early menopause. What attracted you to running? What was it about running that created a release?

KM: I needed a goal. I was young and had always been an athlete but actually hated running. I had been tired, depressed, and just needed motivation. My sister and her friends had begun training for the Boston Marathon and I threw myself into their goal. Thankfully they welcomed me. It was not pretty and it was not easy but I did it. 

I spent over a month trying to jog one three-mile loop. I cried. I was in extreme pain. My legs and lungs stung and I thought if I couldn’t run three miles, 26.2 seemed ridiculous.

But it was that commitment, that pain, the pounding the pavement and seeing the progress that inspired me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. So much of what had felt like failure and the part of me that had died, now felt alive. It was really powerful.  I was motivated to do more, to go further.  

How has running changed your life?

KM: In so many ways.  This passion became my profession. I started out taking runners around the world to run marathons, and then it turned into the company that I started called Fitness International Travel (FIT).

Running has brought me around the world to all 7 continents four times. Even more so it has opened up a community of people and individuals who are incredible.  We are all so different but the marathon unifies us and unites us through both the hardships and celebration of the accomplishment.

I never expected that from those moments of solitary winter training for the Boston Marathon that I would be here today. Had I not gone through menopause, I wouldn’t have started running and I wouldn’t have had all of these positive experiences. 

How many marathons have you completed? And you mentioned that you ran 7 marathons on 7 continents in 7 days… That is amazing. Where were they and how did you keep going?

KM: I keep telling my husband I have to go back and track all the marathons!  I have about 70 under my belt in total.  The World Marathon Challenge – 7 marathons, 7 continents, 7 days – was and is amazing.  I still pinch myself.   We started in Antarctica, then went to Cape Town, Perth, Dubai, Lisbon, Cartagena, and finished in Miami.  I did the marathons untrained 13 months after the birth of my baby.  It was painful but so much growth comes through navigating pain and with each finish, I was closer to the goal.  Trust me there were moments at 2am in the rain when I wanted to quit. But I didn’t.

“Living isn’t about quitting, it’s just about trying one more thing, even if you have to walk or crawl to do it.”

You shared that thirteen years to the day after you found out about having premature ovarian failure/early menopause, you crossed another marathon finish line in Dublin with the new title of mom. How has becoming a mother changed you? What would you say to anyone contemplating going the egg donor route?

KM: I had so many fears about the egg donor process.  There were so many unknowns.  If you sat with any financial advisor and stated the amount of money that you planned to spend on an unpredictable outcome, I can almost guarantee that they would likely not recommend that investment.  It hasn’t been easy and there were more unanticipated speed bumps than I could have imagined.  I am grateful to have an incredibly supportive husband who is completely in it with me, and we lucked out with a beautiful and intelligent little girl. 

There were all sorts of fears of carrying “someone else’s baby” and what if “the baby didn’t look like me,” or what I would say if someone said, “she has your eyes.”  So many doubts and fears.

My daughter has blue eyes.  The donor had brown. My husband has green.  Everyone says “ah she has your blue eyes!” And I just smile and giggle and say “yes, she does!”

I had so much bonding when I carried my daughter, Scarlett. I ran with her throughout 28-weeks of the pregnancy and she now loves running too.   My husband and I have also kept our lifestyle mostly in tact with the (addition) of our baby.  Scarlett has already traveled to four continents and while she is our first priority, she is part of our life and has adapted easily to our interests.  If anything, Scarlett allows us to see the sheer joy in the simplest acts of life.  

We also have this amazing woman that helped us get to where we are (by donating her eggs). Seriously, how incredible is that sacrifice for someone else to help give you the gift of life?  When we decided to go the donor route, we were not sure about whether or not we wanted to meet our donor.  Now we are glad that we had the opportunity to meet her, Our donor is absolutely stunning woman inside and out and we are forever indebted.  It also  adds an additional layer to the story about the evolution of our family.

Would you feel comfortable sharing your fertility journey and how it has continued?

KM: Yes of course. This is part of who I am and part of this entire process.  Our egg donor cycle was very successful resulting in 17 embryos, all of which made it to day five. We then implanted two embryos resulting in a successful singleton birth with Scarlett. We froze 13 remaining high quality, high scoring embryos. 

Scarlett arrived early at 32w6d due to pre-eclampsia.  I went into the hospital, shared that I wasn’t feeling well and then surprise, I was induced and delivered Scarlett. Funny enough, we had the baby on the Wednesday before my planned (baby) shower that  Saturday. We spent 4-weeks in the Special Care Nursery where despite prior genetic testing results from the egg donor and my husband, we were advised that Scarlett had a rare genetic disorder that would lead to feeding tubes and wheelchairs. They took a test, told us we would find out for sure in three months, and that we should enjoy these moments with her prior as she would start to miss milestones. We were devastated.  We left the hospital with medicine and educated on how to administer daily injections to our new baby girl.  Turns out, she is completely fine.  But what a scare! Although nothing is perfect, running completely helps me tackle all of these moments of spontaneity and unpredictability.  

After successfully getting pregnant the first time, we thought, what are we going to do with all the embryos?!  How naïve were we! We decided to try for another child in February of 2018.  We went in for the transfer and 10 days later found out that we were pregnant. The blood work and HCG escalation were fantastic. We told my parents and then BOOM, miscarriage. 

After our first miscarriage, we thought, not all of the embryos must be good.  We watched my HCG descend, just as we had initially monitored my HCG rise along with our hope. Each (blood) draw was a stark reminder of the loss. Still, we were optimistic because we had additional embryos.

On my birthday, May 1st, we did another transfer but it didn’t take.  On June 12th we opted to transfer two embryos. Although the idea of twins scared us because we had a premature delivery with Scarlett, the increasing transfer attempts, losses, and the preparation each transfer was becoming more difficult so we transferred two more embryos. Both took and the numbers looked incredible. Our enthusiasm was short lived when we learned of another miscarriage which would need to be followed by a surgery. 

After multiple tests for natural killer cells, blood clotting disorders, thyroid levels, scans of my uterus and then some, the results all came back normal without indication of a larger issue.  On October 4, 2018, we did another transfer, and once again miscarried twins.  Then we did one more transfer and that embryo didn’t take either. Pregnancy test after pregnancy test revealed a big fat negative. 

Our last effort without testing embryos was to do a cycle where we did an ERA, a biopsy of my uterine lining in hopes to find the perfect transfer time post-introduction of progesterone.  Once we received results, we did a transfer on May 8, 2019. At the time I was taking Lovenox injections daily, five estrogen pills vaginally and orally, an estrogen patch every three days, intramuscular progesterone oil injections every three days (later nightly), along with B12, selenium and pre-natal vitamins, a thyroid pill, baby aspirin. I also applied Crinone (progesterone) lotion twice per day. This time we got pregnant with twins and celebrated the day after we made it past our furthest miscarriage date. Then I bled the next day and my husband and I were convinced that once again, we had lost both babies.

Fortunately, one baby is still with us and we are 23-weeks as of today.  I recently found out that I have a vasa previa, where the baby’s blood vessels are exposed over the cervix and if they rupture the baby is at risk. I will be hospitalized at 32 weeks if not sooner with an emergency c-section planned for no later than 35 or 36 weeks, if I make it that far.  

It hasn’t been an easy pregnancy.  I am scared daily something will happen.

It’s never quite simple is it?  I hold on to being fortunate to have a chance at having this second baby.  Despite how hard it is to go through (infertility), science is pretty incredible. Years ago I wouldn’t even have these opportunities at all.

You recently penned an excerpt in the book, Tales from the Trails. What inspired you to contribute? What do you hope that readers will take-away once reading your fertility story?

KM: I was honored to be asked to include this excerpt on Why I run, by a great friend and mentor Michael Clinton who is the author of the collection. It was entirely scary to be so vulnerable but so much of who I am has been shaped by this experience that I believed it to be important to share. I have always been open about my struggles despite the fact that so many other people are not. I believe that sharing these experiences may potentially help one or two people in the same situation. At least that is my hope. So I shared our story with the hope to inspire a few -  women, men (husbands), a few families to continue to take one step forward despite what feels like constant failure because of the relentless obstacles.  

What I love about the book is that they are a collective of inspirational stories from so many different perspectives. Many people might find inspiration that resonates with them within the book. As mentioned earlier, running unifies people from different backgrounds and experiences. I think that this book exemplifies that.  

At the end of the day, there is nothing greater than to get home to my little girl and her daddy.  Scarlett has motivated me to be an even stronger person and role model. I am grateful of all the obstacles that we have faced because I have learned so much through them.   We are still at a scary point right now, and we hope that we have a successful outcome. Only time will tell between now and then.

In the meantime, we will just take one step forward and continue to lead by my mantra of “Happy Days.”  Life is too short not to.

It’s important for me to share that however someone becomes a mom or a dad, that baby is theirs. My fears, ugly thoughts and doubts on what move to have taken, or even how far I should have kept going disappear when I come home from a long day and my baby greets me at the door shouting “Mamma”!  



About Kelly McLay: Mom, wife, marathoner, and traveler, she values living by the mantra, "happy days," trying to live life to the fullest every day.

A two-time seven continent marathon finisher with 65+ total 42K courses under her belt, Kelly is passionate and respectful of the marathon distance. Kelly has 10 years of experience in guiding and developing sports travel to all seven continents.

In 2018, Kelly completed earned her World Marathon Majors’ 6th star as well as the World Marathon Challenge, 7 marathons on 7 continents in 7 days. She is one of 41 women globally who have finished the challenge. Kelly resides just north of Boston with her husband John and baby Scarlett. Outside of her family, there is nothing she takes more pride in than designing destination travel around the world, especially to marathons. To learn more about FIT borne out of Kelly’s incredible journey, click here.

How the inconceivable inspired one woman to get on stage and laugh through infertility

Photo of Meirav Zur by Tomer Lupasco

Photo of Meirav Zur by Tomer Lupasco

Meet Meirav. (Pronounced may-RAHV). This is her story and what led her to put herself out in the spotlight in to unburden the pressures of her own experience with infertility and provide some relatable comedic relief to others going through the fire. Meirav in no way makes light of infertility, instead she takes to the stage to highlight the absurd situations that members of the infertility community may find themselves in and does so with levity. Her sketches are also an educational training of sorts for others who want to understand their partner, friend or family member who may be faced with the challenges of infertility. Read on to get to know Meirav and what inspired her to do the Inconceivable (Show).

And if you are in New York City on September 22nd, you can check out Meirav’s award-winning show Inconceivable: The Totally True One-Woman Semi-Fertile Quasi-"Musical" at the United Solo Theatre Festival at 6pm. Tickets may be purchased here or you can enter for a chance to win at @Fertilust.


First off, we would love to hear a little bit about you.

I grew up in Atlanta, and now live in a town near Tel Aviv, Israel. My extended family lives in Israel and we would visit them almost every summer while I was growing up. I always felt some sort of connection to Israel, and after university studies in the U.S., I decided to move to Israel and serve in the army. I wanted to be part of what every person in Israel around my age at the time was experiencing. I met my husband, fell in love, and stayed.

What are 5 fun facts about you?

1. If there's a good song on, I will karaoke anywhere.  No lyrics necessary. 

2. I love making people laugh, especially my husband and daughter.  Jokes, characters, funny voices or faces, anything goes.

3. I like to draw.

4. The kind of shopping I love most is for office supplies. 

5. I like to make birthday rap-o-grams for my friends.

What is your fertility story?

My husband and I have experienced unexplained infertility and unexplained secondary infertility for over 11 years. I never shared that with anyone until recently.  When we first started trying, it took about four years and a couple of miscarriages until we went to a fertility specialist.  Nobody else around us spoke about any of this, and this was before the era of Googling anything for more information. We kept thinking “it'll just happen”.  

The day I was meant to start my first hormone injection in preparation for an IUI, I found out I was pregnant naturally.  We were of course overjoyed, and I got to "graduate" the fertility clinic without ever actually knowing what it was all about.  I thought maybe it was because we finally went to "get help," and that I felt taken care of, had a plan, and that must have lifted the load and stress. We had our amazing daughter, and she was about a year or so old when we started trying again.  We wanted her to have a sibling and figured it might take a while again. 

This time the magical whatever-it-was didn't work.  I had to go through many rounds of hormones, IUI's, and we also had an unsuccessful IVF.  The stress and hormones and everything was unbearable. It put a big strain on our marriage and family.  I really think that these intense emotional roller-coasters and the PTSD that comes with infertility is incredibly underestimated and overlooked. After the failed IVF, my husband and I decided that we had to step out of that all-consuming pressure cooker of infertility in order to let ourselves just be a family. We are now a happy family of three, and we're good.

What inspired you to create the Inconceivable Show?

About 3 years ago, which was a couple of years after our failed IVF, I went through a 2-week or so time period when I was pregnant naturally (found out quite late into the pregnancy), heard the fetus heartbeat for the first time, went to get an initial full scan, heard no heartbeat, then got a D&C a few days later.  It was intense for me and my husband. It was really heartbreaking. 

A little while after that, it dawned on me that maybe I should tell someone about everything that has happened, because in the last few years, especially those recent months, I was even more withdrawn from social events, work projects, etc.  But I didn't know how I could bring myself to say anything.

I figured out that the only way I could talk about my infertility was through comedy, so I decided to invite some friends over and tell them. They didn't know why they were coming over. I told them (about it) the only way I knew how, with silly songs, characters, odd thoughts, and lots of humor.  I was so nervous. And when I was done I was so relieved that I got through it. I figured that they would all just go home and that would be that. But instead, they all told me I needed to make my comedic sketch an actual show. And even more surprisingly, they stayed over for a long time afterwards, because everyone started TALKING. They talked about their own infertility-related stories, that other friends in the room didn't really know about. And suddenly there was this deeper understanding and connection. That's when I knew that THIS was worth exploring. It got people talking about this thing nobody ever REALLY talks about honestly. And it got people LAUGHING, too. That's how I was inspired to develop that night into a whole show.

What are 5 reasons why someone should see the show?


1. You will laugh.  Laughing is something that's good for all of us and we can never laugh too much.

2. You will learn about yourself and others. You'll learn a bit about what your friends or family members have gone or are going through (and everyone knows somebody, whether they're aware of it or not).  

3. You might be part of the show.  It's interactive, in a non-threatening way.

4. Just in case reasons 1 - 3 didn’t convince you, the show won an award and got great theatrical reviews (from men)!

5. You'll have a new perspective on sex-ed(ucation).


Meirav Zur is an actor, writer, and producer currently based in Israel. Meirav was born and raised in the U.S., where she first began to pursue her theatre and education studies. In 2005, Zur founded the independent English-language professional traveling theater in Israel, English On Stage, subsequently writing, directing, and acting in its various original productions. The theatre's extensive repertoire includes original musicals, children's plays, and improv shows, with productions having been performed across Israel, including at the Habima National Theatre of Israel. Zur's most recent production and first solo show, Inconceivable: The Totally True One-Woman Semi-Fertile Quasi-"Musical", had its U.S. debut at the 2018 United Solo Theatre Festival in New York City, where it was awarded Best Interactive Show.

Environmental Toxins 101 with Lara Adler

Photo Credit: Lara Adler

Photo Credit: Lara Adler

What we don’t know (and can’t see)can hurt us.

When I started thinking about environmental toxins and how they impact long-term health and fertility, all roads led to Environmental Toxins Expert, Lara Adler. After two minutes during our interview and discussing her deep love for matcha tea, two things were clear. One was I would immediately give matcha another chance, and two was that Lara is leading a movement by spotlighting how unseen chemicals are making us sicker and infertile. Lara’s credentials speak for themselves and she has been trailblazing in the area of Environmental Toxins before it much of a focus. She is a natural born truth-seeker who is constantly learning, understanding and most importantly, distilling the facts amongst other educators to create awareness and action around the topic of environmental toxins.

If I have done my part, this discussion will leave you more informed on how to live a happier, healthier life beginning today. I couldn’t get enough of the research Lara shared. So much of it blew my mind and inspired meaningful action, which is why I’m excited to share it with you. The topic of silent and colorless, harmful carcinogens might easily create paranoia because there isn’t a whole lot of information out there on what to actually do about it. Knowledge is power and Lara arms us with the knowledge to action change, and do so in achievable steps.

And a quick spoiler alert… I am now a bulletproof matcha convert. Once you read this, you may very well be too.

Your love for matcha runs deep. Why? 

LA: It's really complementary to what I teach. I consider it an everyday detox tea. Matcha has a tremendous amount of antioxidants. In fact, it has the highest amount of all foods - more than blueberries, spinach, raspberries and other foods that we consider to be of high antioxidant value.

Matcha also contains a compound called EGCG (epigallocatechin gallate) which is a powerful antioxidant that supports the body’s ability to combat some of the effects of exposures to toxins that we're getting. EGCG helps our bodies process them and is rich in chlorophyll which helps bind to heavy metals like lead and mercury to help excrete them out of the body. Matcha is also extremely high in l-theanine which is an amino acid that slowly releases caffeine and has a very calming effect. It provides an energy bump similar to caffeine does, but without any of the jitters and crash. In fact, matcha tea has been used for centuries by Zen Buddhist monks for extended, day-long meditations to provide a calm focus. I drink it latte bulletproof style with high fat coconut milk and collagen peptides which helps slows the absorption and caffeine delivery even more. 

I love it so much named my cat, Matcha. 

How do you spend most of your time?

LA: On my laptop! I spend a lot of time working and researching to stay current with what's happening in the constantly evolving environmental medicine space. It’s a full-time job to stay updated on all the articles and papers that are published every week! My goal is to translate and share that information to my students.

I try to spend some of my weekend hours working on non work-related projects. I have a love for wood projects and refinishing furniture. I like to refinish vintage pieces and recently reworked a pair of early 80’s vintage speakers from a sought-after brand that my dad gave me! I like having different ways to occupy my mind and need things to work on that take me out of the online space that I am in so much of the day. You’re never done even when you complete a course or complete a program; it's never technically done. There’s always more to know. More to do. It feels important for me to have something that I work on that I can say “It’s done and I did that. I fixed that. I made that and now I can just enjoy it.” It’s a very intentional project. 

I listen to music and a lot of podcasts like Joe Rogan, NPR’s How I Built This and True Crime (but only once in a while because it can be really heavy). My podcasts are usually for long drives, walking, and cleaning the house. I really like the long-form (like 3 -4 hour long) podcasts because to me that's how you really get into the conversation. I also read non work-related books. They're like mental floss and not something that I have to think about.

Was there a moment or experience when you knew that you wanted to pursue a career in Environmental Toxins? 

LA: There were a series of moments that stacked up to bring me to the space. I was always interested in health and nutrition. As a teenager I became a vegetarian the summer between middle school and high school and then two years later, I became vegan. I'm neither of those things anymore, but at that time I was obsessed with reading all about nutrition and wellness. I also wanted to appease my father with facts so he knew I had the knowledge not to become malnourished on either diet. I actually never really considered pursuing a career in the nutrition space until many years later when I was well out of college and eight years into another career.

The Health Coaching program I did never really discussed toxins outside of pesticides being “bad”, and there was very little discussion about environmental toxins in all of the health and nutrition books that I’d read. The turning point was when I was health coaching clients that were interested in weight loss. Some had great results following my direction and guidance, but a couple of people did all the things, and they didn't lose any weight. I felt like it was my responsibility to figure out why so I started digging into what I might be missing around resistant weight loss. That’s really where I knocked on the door of environmental health. I learned that there were many chemicals that were linked to resistant weight loss and even weight gain. I was shocked that this had never been discussed in any of the education I’d had to that point… it was a giant elephant in the room.

At the same time that that was happening, my sister-in-law was pregnant with my now 10 ½ year old niece. I started looking into the products like baby mattresses and baby products that my sister-in-law was planning to buy and was horrified by the amount of chemicals that were known to have health effects, yet were being used in these baby products. These two things made me realize how important this topic was and how infrequently they were talked about. I was shocked.

At that point I didn’t know what I wanted my business to be, but I knew I needed to talk about toxins. I wanted to read all THE things, talk about THIS all day. I knew I was going to make THIS my job somehow. So I reverse-engineered my job by asking “who in the world would benefit from my being able to talk about this” (environmental toxins) stuff at the level that I want to talk about it. 

I realized I was surrounded by friends and colleagues who had also gone through the same health coaching program that I had graduated from, and they were all hungry for information about toxins… they said they felt like they should probably know about this stuff!

My solution was to see if I could translate everything that I was reading. It took me about two years to read all the things and teach myself because I don’t have a science background. I needed to understand what I was reading and make sure that I was interpreting and understanding it correctly. Then I stepped into the space of teaching courses on this topic to my peer community of health coaches.  Over the years it’s expanded to all types of health professionals from medical doctors to occupational therapists, to doulas and midwives, etc. The courses are for anybody and everybody who's working with clients or patients, or customers around health. 

If you were a superhero, who would you be and why?

LA: Probably Captain Marvel just because she's such a badass and I appreciate badass women. 

What has been the most rewarding moment in your career?

LA: I think it's a series of little moments not just one that makes it worth it. When I hear from my students that they're having successes and they're having opportunities presented, and doors opening for them because they have this fluency in environmental health that they didn't have before, THAT feels amazing.

Sometimes I hear from clients who are celebrating successes based on the programs that I lead. And I hear from people that are not practitioners but that listened to a podcast that I was on, or saw something on my Instagram feed. They tell me that they made this one change because of something that I said and that the chronic illness or health issues that they'd been dealing with completely turned around. I get DM's all the time from people who say that they have been lurking on my Instagram. They thank me because they did all these things I recommended - they write that they’ve gotten rid of the plastic, cleaned out their personal care products, swapped out their cookware. And I didn't even do anything other than post and share! It’s really exciting to see when information that I have shared has had an impact. 

It’s been very rewarding to see the conversation evolve publicly in the broader (general market) space. I feel like I've participated in some of that and seeing this huge movement of awareness around environmental chemicals that didn't exist when I started this conversation has been incredible.

It’s always been my goal to help as many people as possible get hip to these issues to make and demand changes. I chose to work with the health professional community because together they have contact with a lot more individuals than I could on my own. It’s a one- to-many model, that allows me to better leverage the message.

What are some of the most shocking finds that you’ve made working in this space?

LA: The average pediatrician, obstetrician, primary care doctor is 15 years behind the current research, unless they are taking the time to do the research. The current medical model doesn't really allow them the time to do it. Medical school curriculum, on average, offers only 7 hours of training in environmental health, and some schools don’t cover it at all. To put it in perspective, the average MD gets only 19 to 21 hours on nutrition, which we realize is paltry (and environmental toxins education is about 1/3 of that). The World Health Organization and the CDC and NIH recognize that environmental toxins are a huge burden to our health, yet health professionals aren’t being educated on the issues. 

There is almost no curriculum on Environmental Health in the medical school programs and a 15 to 20-year gap between what the research is publishing and what actually makes it into standard of care practice.

The medical school programs that do cover environmental health are typically looking at occupational exposures. They're looking at really high dose scenarios like cigarette smoking, or workplace exposures, but what about the low levels of endocrine disrupting chemicals that we are constantly being exposed to? That is just not addressed in these programs.  One solution is more education but how many more hours of education can you jam into medical school?

The whole paradigm needs to shift, and my concern is that if we have to wait another 15 years, we're always going to be 15 years behind at a minimum-in-standard of care practice. We need more Allied Health practitioners like health coaches, nutritionists, registered nurses and dieticians to support primary care practitioners around helping individuals make the necessary lifestyle changes. Those are the people that we need to educate so that we’re not continuing the trend of being so many years behind.

I talk about environmental toxins as if it were a foreign language because it's awkward and there are new words, and they're hard to pronounce. So just like with a foreign language, practitioners need to develop fluency. The reality is that as more and more people are being confronted with health issues, people are starting to explore outside of the conventional approach by reading news. Consumers are seeing headlines about lead, or perfluorinated chemicals in the drinking water and links to cancer, plastics in baby bottles, and they are freaked out because these articles can be scary. Most of those articles don't provide practical, actionable solutions so people walk around with a mid-to-low level of anxiety about everything. It causes them to question every purchase that they make and if they are even buying the right thing. And they can't talk to their doctor or pediatrician about it because they (their doctors) don't have the training, so people have this anxiety that builds up.

What toxins are the most detrimental to overall health?

LA: That's a good question and it takes a little bit of gymnastics to answer it because the worst toxins aren't necessarily the ones that we are exposed to every day. So there's the ones that are going to punch you in the gut really hard and are really bad like dioxins and PCBs, flame retardants, arsenic, lead and really any kind of heavy metal. And yes, we are being exposed to those and those are really problematic. And then there are those that won’t necessarily punch you in the gut but will be “death by a thousand cuts”. Those (death by a thousand cuts) are chemicals like endocrine disrupters which we are being exposed to day in and day out.

So how do we prioritize? It becomes a how do we stop the thing that's punching us in the gut periodically, or do we slow the death by a thousand cuts? There are well over a thousand endocrine disrupting chemicals that have been identified. In the home environment those are plasticizers like phthalates, BPA, plastics, and VOCs that are off-gassing from our furniture. Chemicals can be found in items like scented candles, air fresheners, and flame retardants in our electronics and upholstered furniture. We are also looking at contaminants in our drinking water, whether it's heavy metals like lead or Perfluoroalkyl (PFASs) chemicals that are now contaminating our drinking water. PFASs chemicals can be found in nonstick cookware and house dust. Those are just some of the chemicals that we are being exposed to every day.

Because each one of those categories is complicated and nuanced, the goal is to start reducing our exposure to as many of those endocrine disruptors as possible in the home. We spend 93% of our lives in the built environment that is divided between our homes, offices and in our cars.

Of the three, we spend close to 60% of our lives in our homes, so let's start with reducing toxins in that place because that's where we are the most.

I really encourage people to start systematically reducing exposures to these toxins one at a time. That helps dial down what the body has to process. The goal is to reduce exposures while simultaneously increasing the body's capacity to detoxify the compounds that we can’t avoid. That actually goes full circle back to the matcha tea because it is one of the things that helps us open up our detox channels. Regularly supporting liver function by eating nutrient dense foods with antioxidants for example, along with foods like cruciferous veggies and Brazil nuts high in selenium, help support the natural detox process.

How can toxins adversely impact fertility? What toxins should we avoid?

The first thing is to focus on is avoiding endocrine disruptors with the emphasis on anything that's going to mess with your thyroid hormones. That includes any chlorinated chemicals found in our drinking water, Polybrominated diphenyl ethers (flame retardants), and fluoride in our oral care or in our drinking water which is really common in this country.  All of these things can block the uptake of iodine into our thyroid which can in and off itself can cause or contribute to a tremendous number of hormone and fertility related issues.

For people that are dealing with fertility issues, the most important things to do are: 

Filter your water. I recognize it’s not the easiest step because it takes some homework and it can be expensive, but water is something that you're ingesting every single day. 

Emphasize organic foods as much as possible. A number of studies have looked at what happens when people switch from a conventional diet to a mostly organic diet, (not even 100% because that's pretty hard) and they found that circulating pesticide levels dropped by 80 to 90% in just three to five days. When we start avoiding these exposures, they can work their way through the body pretty quickly. That's not to say that they're not doing damage while they're working their way through because they may be, so we want to avoid them as much as possible. Organic food is the way to go for anybody who's trying to conceive or having trouble conceiving naturally.

Ditch all home and synthetic fragrances. Lose the scented candles, air fresheners, swap your laundry detergent and don’t use dryer sheets. All of those products contain chemicals that mess with our hormones and fertility is a hormone driven process. Replacing home goods with safer fragrance-free, phthalate-free, paraben-free products is a great place to start. I would also add to get rid of the plastic that comes in contact with the food in your kitchen. Swap out the plastic (Tupperware) containers for glass containers. Use old-school stainless steel, enameled cast iron rather than non-stick pans, and wood cutting boards. It's really the way to go to reduce exposures to endocrine-disrupting chemicals.

The last big category is addressing the personal care products that we're putting on our skin every day. From shampoo, body lotion, deodorant, to make-up and shaving cream. All of these things are made with these endocrine disrupting chemicals and our body does absorb a fair amount of them. These are much easier to change than swapping out our couches. (Most couches have flame retardants, yet they are a large investment to replace).

Start with the things that are easily actionable like purchasing organic food, evaluating personal care and household cleaner products, and ditching plastics in the kitchen.

For some that might be enough to overcome the fertility obstacle by getting rid of these things that are causing disruption in their hormones. This applies to men too. It's not just women who have to shoulder this responsibility. In fact, perfluorinated chemicals in our drinking water and food packaging, mess with sperm count and motility.

So I have to ask the question, is the packaged quinoa that I purchase in plastic at the store bad?

LA: Not bad, but not exactly great either. In 2005, the FDA approved the use of perchlorate chemical used in jet fuel as an anti-static agent inside food packaging. Foods like quinoa can get staticky inside the bag so perchlorate is often used to prevent this static build up. After the FDA approved its use, levels of perchlorate in humans has increased, so that’s a potential issue. 

Plastic itself is another issue. Not all plastic is the same, and not all plastic contains BPA (the plastic chemical people are most familiar with). Most plastics aren’t great, the chemicals in them can migrate out into the foods they are in contact with. Things that can increase leaching include heat, oil, acidity, and abrasion. So avoiding foods packaged in plastic that are acidic, like sauerkraut for example, is a good idea. The plastic bag that your quinoa is in likely doesn’t pose too much of a health issue itself because quinoa is a dry food.

Is there a link between infertility and future generations? Is there hope?

LA: There's definitely a link, we're seeing fertility rates around the planet drop precipitously and that's concerning for a lot of reasons. Dropping fertility rates don’t just have social implications; it also has global economic implications. We need healthy fertility rates. 

Otherwise we're going to end up in some ‘Handmaid's Tale’ nightmare. Incidentally, that book was written in 1983 and the author shares that the reason why people are infertile is because of all the chemicals. 

There is a degree of hope though because awareness is shifting and because more and more people are starting to pay attention. And that right there I think is the silver lining. If we actually do something about all of this, we can actually turn things around. 

 

About Lara Adler: Lara Adler is an Environmental Toxins Expert & Educator and a Certified Holistic Health Coach who teaches health coaches, nutritionists, and other holistic health practitioners how to eliminate the #1 thing holding their clients back from the results they are seeking; the unaddressed link between chemicals and chronic health problems. She trains practitioners to become experts in everyday toxic exposures so they can improve client outcomes without spending hundreds of hours researching on their own. 

Combining environmental health education and business consulting, she’s helped thousands of health professionals in over 25 countries around the world elevate their skillset, get better results for their clients, and become sought out leaders in the growing environmental health & detoxification field.

For news and tips on environmental toxins, find and follow Lara on IG, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

Why male fertility matters. A conversation with Lauren Manaker.

Lauren Manaker grabbing her favorite snack.

Lauren Manaker grabbing her favorite snack.

I am so excited to share my recent chat with Lauren Manaker. Lauren is passionate about her family, nutrition, and the fertility space. Lauren is also filling the vast void in the (in)fertility space by tackling the subject and providing evidence-based nutritional counsel for male fertility.

To kick off the discussion, I asked Lauren to tell me two lies a truth and reveal the truth at the end. Read on to find out if you can figure out which of the three statements are true before Lauren shares it with us later on.

Two lies and a truth!

LM: I cried for two days when George Michael died.

I have a twin sister.

I have a rubber Duckie collection.

When did you know that you wanted to become a Registered Dietician?

LM: I knew I wanted to do something in the health sciences, and dietetics was a match for me. Unlike a lot of other dietitians, I am not a "foodie". I am a math and science geek, and nutrition is the perfect marriage of the two. I get to interpret data and do nerdy math equations every day!

What is your (in)fertility story and what made you want to share it?

LM: My story is not different from many others, but it was still a painful experience. My husband and I got married and wanted to start a family right away. Things did not go according to our timeline, and after spending a lot of time and even more money in the process, we are now parents to a four-year-old girl named Hannah. The process taught me a lot about patience and trust.

What inspired you to write Fueling Male Fertility?

LM: Once I started my business and was meeting so many women practically killing themselves trying to get pregnant, I realized that many assume that fertility is a women's responsibility alone.

“So many women carry all of the pressure on their shoulders and many men don’t make many changes to their life because they simply don’t know that they play such a role in fertility.”

A quick search will show that there are tons of resources about fertility and women, but only a handful are focused on men. I needed to fill the gap by writing an evidence-based guide for the man who wants to enhance his fertility through diet and lifestyle choices.

Why does male fertility matter?

LM: Male fertility matters because many experts say that 1/3 to 1/2 of infertility cases are due to male-factor causes. Ensuring both partners are doing what they can do to support their fertility is one of the best things a couple can do. 

What is something about you that we could never find on Google?

LM: I have one three hula-hoop contents in my life.

Speaking of Dr. Google... what is one thing that you wish people struggling with infertility would never search on Google and why?

LM: I wish people would not depend on the Internet for supplement recommendations.

“Over-supplementing can be dangerous, and every body has different needs.”

Two pieces of nutritional fertility advice that you would give to someone dealing with infertility?

LM: Make a point to eat at least five servings of fruits and vegetables a DAY for both men and women. Ideally, it would be two fruits and three veggies a day. Antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals are so important for fertility, and getting these from food is ideal. And Exercise. Moving your body is so good for your body and your mind during the process.

Favorite self-care practice?

LM: Barre class. It forces me to step away from my phone for an hour, sweat, and not think.

…And a good foot massage if my husband is up for it!

Favorite fertility food and why?

LM: Walnuts! They are an easy food to sneak in throughout the day and are super-portable. They have tons of features that are fertility-friendly: plant-based proteins, ALA omega-3 fatty acids, antioxidants, vitamins, minerals, the list goes on and on!

Guilty pleasure?

LM: Jamming out to George Michael in my kitchen with my daughter.

Hidden talent?

LM: Tap dancing and napping on-demand!

What gets you out of bed in the morning?

LM: My four year old daughter who refuses to get up without letting me know that it's morning time.

What are you most excited about right now?

LM: How times are changing and sharing personal (infertility) stories is more of the norm. There is comfort in knowing that you are not alone in difficult situations.

So which is the truth to my very first question?

LM: I cried over George Michael for two days!

A quick PSA from Nathalie and Lauren!

We liked chatting so much that we have joined forces to co-admin a private “fertility warriors” group to support the (in)fertility community on the Ellie App. We invite you to download the app today and continue the conversation with us when we launch on June 12th!

Lauren Manaker is a Registered Dietitian-Nutritionist (RDN), MS, LD, CLEC who focuses on reproductive health. Lauren authored the book “Fueling Male Fertility”, and is a counselor and consultant through her company, Nutrition Now. She is also a contributor on pregnantish.

Lauren’s pride and joy is her four year-old daughter who was conceived after many IVF cycles. Lauren's mission is to help busy people get evidence-based nutrition information that isn't based on fads or "Dr. Google".

From Bumps to Baby with Liz Shaw

Liz Shaw and her baby girl. Photo provided by Liz.

Liz Shaw and her baby girl. Photo provided by Liz.

Although you wouldn’t know it, I only recently met Liz Shaw. Liz has quickly become a friend, confidante and source of nutritional expertise for me. I met Liz as she was launching her Stress-Free IVF Nutrition Guide and am so grateful that I had the opportunity to recently review it during my recent (fourth) IVF cycle. (You can read more about the Guide here.)

Liz is a Registered Dietician, Certified Personal Trainer and owns a nutrition consulting business. Based on her own experience with infertility she has bridged the gap between diet/nutrition and the process. Liz lets us in on all of her secrets with her recently published Stress-Free IVF Nutrition Guide and also her Fertility Foods Cookbook.

Liz is someone that you need to know. Not only because she may be the world’s kindest and gentlest soul but because her understanding of nutrition as it relates to fertility and overall health is an absolute game changer. I caught up with Liz the other day and am excited to share our discussion with you!

What does fertility warrior mean to you?

LS: That’s a great question! I have a whole series devoted to the women (and men!) who’ve gone down a path that’s not so easy to expand their families. A warrior in the sense that they continue to persevere despite the challenges of their “battle” with infertility.  I have a colleague who’s trying to open up and change the negative connotation around warrior and instead focus on the strength and power of the women (and men!) and I love that vision too! 

Since you are a RD, were you surprised when you struggled with your own fertility?

LS: Yes! But then again, even doctors get cancer and dentists get cavities, so we are all human!  As we know, infertility doesn’t have a type. It affects all of us, health professionals and athletes and people of faith, there’s no discrimination. What’s important for people on the outside to remember is that infertility is not something someone can control. It’s often caused by so many factors in which there is no one size fits all approach to treatment.

I like to try and remind people that finding the right treatment plan for them, the right professionals to guide them on THEIR path is what will make this entire process that much more bearable in the long run. And let’s be real, sometimes this is a VERY LONG RUN! 

Please share your story

LS: My husband and I started our journey to expand our family about a year after we got married in 2012. Realistically, we didn’t intend to get pregnant right away, but I had been on birth control since I was 13 years old and we knew it would take some time for my body to regulate.  Lo and behold, we waited, and waited some more. 

I was finally diagnosed with unexplained infertility related to my hypogonadotropic hypogonadism  (HH), which is a lack of hormonal regulation in which little to no sex hormones are produced. You can read more about that experience here, but essentially it was the beginning of a long road for my husband and I which also coincided with entry into the assisted reproductive technology route to expand our family. 

I truly believe any period of waiting is challenging for a want-to-be-mama. Be it a two-week-wait or a trial time for your body to “figure itself out”, neither is a desirable scenario. Thus, we did a mix of both. We started with an IUI, entering full force with the notion that this was our ticket to baby. After our first failed attempt, I was crushed. I never fathomed the emotional pain of that particular experience and surely wasn’t ready to jump into another emotionally, financially, and physically exhausting experience. Side note, because of my HH, I was placed on the IVF medication regimen for my IUI round.

Our doctor at the time assured us that the highest rate of success would be to start IVF. In February of 2016, we decided that was our next step. We took some time off since we had been on this rollercoaster since 2013 and knew we needed to find the joy in our marriage again. We signed up for a Spartan Race in Hawaii, dominated that race and came home to start our first round of IVF…

It was during this time of waiting, I began to feel lost, alone and so confused. I knew I needed to seek help, and through that formed the community known as Bumps to Baby. This community has been my rock, my outlet to share the innermost thoughts I’ve felt on this journey to baby and most importantly, a safe place for others to find security and friends through. While it began as an Instagram account, it quickly morphed into a private Facebook Community and a full website with a special feature for others to share their stories, too, known as Warrior Women Wednesday. 

After our IVF retrieval, my body responded very poorly and we were unable to do a fresh transfer. Of the 15 eggs retrieved, only two embryos were viable for cryopreservation. As bad as that day was getting the news that our 15 had turned into two, the worst was yet to come. The two days in which we received the news that both embryos didn’t take (during the transfer) was by far the lowest of the low in our 4.5 year journey to baby. Honestly, it was during our final failure in August of 2017 that I knew I needed to take a step back from ART treatments. I needed to regroup, find a new sense of peace with my body and begin to remember, baby or not, I (needed to know that I) was enough as a person, a wife, a woman.

Fortunately, my husband was also traveling back and forth between Switzerland and the US for work during this time. I was blessed with the opportunity to join him for the remaining part of 2017 and so we packed up our belongings and moved to Locarno from the end of October through mid-December of 2017.

During this time, I was able to find that sense of peace. I was able to mourn our losses, the trials and tribulations that infertility had taught me and began to refocus on the community of Bumps to Baby and the messages that I wanted to help communicate. It was also during this time the passion project I had worked on with a close colleague and friend was released, The Fertility Foods Cookbook. The cookbook helped merge my love of nutrition and heart for the fertility community into one.

This experience, this break, this opportunity to learn to trust my body again is ultimately what led to the greatest twist and joy in our journey to baby. I’m happy to report our miracle baby made her way into our arms August 4, 2018. A true testament to the powerful role stress can play in your health and most importantly, the importance of finding trust and healing your relationship with your body, remembering you too are enough! 

What pieces of advice would you share with someone on their (in)fertility journey?

LS: I think I would sum up my advice in the hashtag #NeverLoseHope. Infertility can feel like such an isolating journey when you’re in the thick of it. I was there for years before I decided to break the silence and find comfort from my #ttcfamily. And believe me when I say, we are not alone! We know the statistics show that 1 out of 8 couples struggle and lets be real, likely someone close to you is going through the thick of this disease too.

When you feel comfortable enough to share your story, to seek help, know we are here for you. Join the Bumps to Baby Private Support group and begin feeling a new sense of peace and warm welcome into the family you never wanted to have, but are blessed to be a part of!

How do you feel about the word “journey”? Love, hate or both and why?

LS: Love the word journey! It shows that it’s not a start and stop point but a continuous path, especially once the individual does see their rainbow and begins the new journey of motherhood.

You recently wrote the Stress-Free IVF Nutrition Guide, what was the inspiration? 

LS: It was a way I could give back to the community that has been such a rock for me time and time again over our five-year journey. As an RDN, it was everything I wish I could help tell patients who are lost, confused and consulting Dr. Google before beginning their cycle. Truthfully, it’s the guide I wish I had when I was going through our cycle, too. You can pick up your guide here. Use the code fertilust for a 10% discount.

Favorite fertility foods ranked

LS: Tough call! I love variety so really a plethora of fruits and veggies in nourishing bowl or pile high on thick, seedy whole grain bread!

This  Amaranth Buddha Bowl and these Beet Burgers recipes are some of my favorites!  

Pineapple core pre-transfer. Myth or reality?

LS: Myth, to some degree! Little to no scientific evidence exists on this. Every Friday a group of RDNs and I debunk myths and share fertility nutrition information! We actually covered this one here, and you can follow the weekly series here!

What gets you out of bed in the morning?

LS: My sweet little pineapple, aka my rainbow baby! Even before her arrival, I was driven in my career and lucky enough that my passion is able to be pursued each day by helping women and men understand the important role nutrition can play in their bodies. 

What keeps you up at night? 

LS: The endless tabs I have open in my brain! Whether it’s work, parenting, family, the Bumps to Baby community, or what I want for breakfast, I have a hard time unwinding and closing down at night! 

 

About Liz Shaw: Liz is a Registered Dietitian and Certified Personal Trainer in San Diego, California. She owns a nutrition consulting business in which she works with brands to help disseminate key health messaging to practitioners and consumers at large via national speaking, TV segments, and through her strong social media presence. Liz also runs a maternal health private practice in which she specializes in fertility nutrition. She is an author of the Fertility Foods Cookbook published last fall and a blogger at both Shaw’s Simple Swaps and Bumps to Baby.

Liz is also a freelance writer and serves as a nutrition expert for many national publications, such as Shape, Women’s Health, Men’s Health, Muscle and Performance, Fit Pregnancy, Parentsand others. Her current position has led her to what she loves most, educating the public at large about the importance of nutrition and health in daily life while connecting individually with those struggling to build their families. Helping to empower others through nutrition is truly what brings Liz joy!

 

 

NIAW Feature: Finding a Voice

Jane Jolis captured by photographer, Alexis Mera. Shirt design by Kayla Kleinman.

Jane Jolis captured by photographer, Alexis Mera. Shirt design by Kayla Kleinman.

Although National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) has completed this year, I thought it was important to close out the week with Jane Jolis’ powerful story of advocacy. It’s a message that we should carry with us all year long. Jane reminds us that nothing is promised, including a baby, and that when we listen to inner voice and advocate for ourselves, we are set up for success to arrive, and confront the root of the issues that may be standing in our paths to parenthood.

However nebulous and out of our control this journey is, using our voices to advocate for ourselves is paramount. Jane and I discussed that If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. There is something to be said about following our gut after all…

Jane’s story

I’ve always wanted to be a mother, ever since I was a little girl. I was the three-year old stuffing my shirt with pillows to “play pregnant”. So it came as a particularly painful shock when, after six months of trying, my husband and I learned that we should try IVF. I have diminished ovarian reserve, and my husband, low morphology/motility. We skipped over IUI and went straight to IVF.

Despite our challenges we had success in creating healthy embryos right from the start. However after transferring a total of four in the span of one year and having no success, we realized that something was wrong. I had to push hard and advocate for myself in order to have the laparoscopy which is ultimately the reason I am now a mother.

In December of 2017 I had the surgery to uncover suspected endometriosis, and not only did they find endometriosis but they also found that both of my (Fallopian) tubes were damaged and had hydrosalpinges. Hydrosalpinges meant that fluid was leaking into my uterus and could be toxic to the embryos. Damaged tubes also accounted for why I’d never been able to get pregnant naturally.

My Fallopian tubes were removed and after a canceled cycle, heartbreaking in its own right, I did my fourth IVF cycle and a fresh three-day embryo transfer, ultimately resulting in the birth of my son, now four months old. Although my situation turns out to be somewhat rare given that nothing ever came up on any scans indicating that my Fallopian tubes might be damaged, it speaks to the fact that if I hadn’t advocated for myself, I am not sure how long it would have taken, or if we would have been able to tackle the problem directly.

Your High?

My true high was the birth of my son, and still is. Also just seeing that first positive pregnancy test with a strong line was incredible. However I’d say another high, as crazy as it sounds, was learning that my tubes were severely damaged, and that they’d likely been impeding my success all along. As sick as that sounds, when you’re deep in the darkness that is unexplained infertility and IVF, any answers are positive because it may mean a solution to fix it.

Your low?

There were honestly so, so many. Every failed transfer was a huge low. The lowest was probably after my second transfer when I was in fact pregnant but lost the pregnancy after only a week or two, (a chemical pregnancy). I’d been watching the HCG rise, but not enough… and I spent the worst weekend of my life obsessing over (pregnancy) pee sticks and texting pictures to my doctor. At one point I found myself on the bathroom floor at 3 am surrounded by sticks. My husband had to physically come and remove me from them and from the bathroom. I was a wreck. Watching the HCG rise but not ultimately rise enough was one of the slowest tortures that I could ever have imagined. I truly felt broken after that, and had no idea how I was going get past that (moment).

Do you have a silver lining?

This experience has led me to build a fertility coaching/advocacy consultancy as I feel called to work with women and families struggling with (in)fertility. There is such a need to support those in the deepest thick of this who are trying to navigate the darkness with no end in sight. I can relate to that feeling of sheer panic and fear because I have been there. I’ve realized that this is the work I’m meant to do, and I’m working to build this business. 

Do you have any words of wisdom?

Stop trying to pressure yourself to “stay positive.” This was the hardest part for me; trying to maintain hope and optimism when all I felt was panic and dread. Sometimes you just need to feel your feelings and lie in the darkness and cry. And that’s okay. You will eventually make it to the other side, but that “other side” may not look the way you’d originally thought it would, and that’s okay too. Letting go of maintaining a falsely positive outlook was integral to my survival (during the journey).

There were many times that I thought I would never be a mom, but had I felt that my doubts were further holding me back from getting pregnant, it would have made me even crazier. The truth is, feeling good and relaxed is ideal, since stress (during IVF) is real. If you don’t always feel positive, don’t beat yourself up over not feeling that way. Whether or not your attitude is 100% positive all of the time is not going to be what does, or does not get you your baby.

Jane lives in Brooklyn with her husband and four month old son. As a direct result of Jane’s experience, she is currently building an (in)fertility advocacy and coaching practice. Please stay tuned for details or reach out if you would like to be connected with Jane.

NIAW Feature: The Waiting...

Jennie Monness photographed by Alexis Mera. and shirt design by Erin Halper.

Jennie Monness photographed by Alexis Mera. and shirt design by Erin Halper.

I was first introduced to Jennie recently and I was immediately struck by her kind and gentle energy. She literally radiates positivity, and that is why it makes it difficult to believe that she has ever had a difficult day. Infertility wears many masks and Jennie has been brave enough to shed those by sharing that both getting pregnant and pregnancy itself weren’t a walk in the park for her.

There is a reason why “waiting is the hardest part” is a tried and true quote. Like many of us, Jennie put a lot of pressure on herself to get pregnant, and when it wasn’t happening, she took action by finding a mentor and advocating for herself to try to find out why.

Jennie’s story:

I remember hearing that once you want to have a baby it goes from 0 to 100 really quick. That’s what my relationship was like with infertility. Starting at a zero anxiety level, in no real rush, I went off of birth control in November 2015.  My husband is younger than me and he was nervous and not totally “ready.” So, I told him we could wait but that first I needed to know that we didn’t have any issues getting pregnant, as I wanted to stay at 0. I was 32 and slightly hesitant about waiting and having a potential issue. So I got checked, and he did too.

Sure enough, we found out there were some issues. We were told that we could still get pregnant naturally but that it may take a bit longer. That is when it went from 0 to 100 for me. I soon felt that I couldn’t get pregnant quickly enough and I needed it to happen yesterday. We gave it five months and nothing happened. We decided that with no real remedy for our “subtle” issues, we should visit a fertility doctor. The doctor told us he’d try an IUI. Two failed IUI’s later we decided to move onto IVF. I remember one doctor telling me “you decide how fast you want to ride this train,” and I jokingly told my mom, I wanted the freaking ACELA express. 

I spoke to a close friend who had done IVF and asked her for advice as I stepped into this uncharted territory. She told me that before I start the process of IVF I should ask for a saline sonogram. I humored her and asked my doctor for one. I got the saline sonogram and the results showed that I had a septate uterus and needed a surgery called a hysteroscopy. I had to postpone our IVF process for this surgery. I felt so impatient and as if time was running out. Once the hysteroscopy was done, we started egg retrieval. After retrieval and ICSI, we had created successful embryos and were lucky enough to get plenty. We were hopeful and excited for our first transfer. It failed. The same friend who advised me to ask for a saline sonogram, mentioned a reproductive immunologist.

Due to a family history of immunological issues, we made the tough decision to postpone our next transfer until I visited this reproductive specialist. I couldn’t get an appointment right away, so this meant about a two month delay in this process that already couldn’t happen quickly enough. Against everything I felt in my heart, my head told me that I needed to do this, and give this next shot everything I could. I finally had my blood appointment, where they took a ton of blood. A few weeks later, the doctor put me on a protocol of steroids, blood thinners and intralipids.

My next transfer was a success and I was pregnant by March of 2017.  I now have the most incredible 16 month old girl and know that this whole journey was because SHE was meant to be my baby. 

Your high?

The moment Tess was born!

Your low?

My failed FET because it meant more waiting. Waiting was the hardest part. Patience and getting pregnant don’t really go hand in hand when you want it. There were doctors who told us to try for 6 months and come back, or doctors who had “black out” periods, or medical necessities we had to go through (the IUIs, the hysteroscopy, the reproductive immunologist, the intralipid protocol, etc.,) and the waiting was torture.

Not only that, but we had no idea if the waiting would result in a pregnancy and it brought on questions like “am I too old?” or “what if I cant ever get pregnant?” I had never had a pregnancy before in my life so the waiting was especially hard because we were living in this unknown period of “will we ever be parents and how long will it take?”

Do you have a silver lining?

Infertility let me know that there are some things that I can’t control. I’ve lived my entire life mapping out when and how things were going to happen, and they always seemed to fall into place. Infertility taught me that just like I anticipated motherhood to be, life doesn’t always happen according to plan. I’ve learned to accept that and I felt stronger and more ready to become a mom because of it.

Any misconceptions that you had on journey?

Once I was on the route to IVF, I thought that I would be guided along the way until pregnancy. While I had incredible doctors, there were a handful of things that I had to ask for, advocate for, and fight for in order to find the right treatments. What took me a year and a half, with most approved by insurance, could easily have taken 5+ years with an insurance denial, had I not quickly learned that I had to be my own advocate. I had to fight hard for what I knew was right.

Do you have any words of wisdom?

Be your biggest advocate and never give up. Our journey would have taken some couples years, but because I asked for specific things early on, and had an incredible support person telling me what to advocate for, my process took us just one year. No matter how many delays and disappointments there were, I just kept trying and kept going. Although a year seems like an eternity during this process, I got through it knowing that by being my voicing my needs and concerns, I was already advocating for my future child and moving closer to becoming a mom. 

Jennie Monness is the founder and creator of Mo' Mommies and Union Square Play, a place go meet, socialize and build community for moms and their babies. Jennie studied Psychology in Education and received her Master’s Degree from Teachers College, Columbia University. She completed the Foundations to RIE® course and is currently completing her practicum in the approach as well. Visit momommies.com and @momommies to learn more.