Photo provided by Linny Stone
Linny Stone is a wellness advocate and marriage therapist who is redefining the word strength by vulnerably sharing her story of disappointment, loss and hope of a rainbow baby. Her experience with recurrent miscarriage has also created the goal of moving the topic of miscarriage from taboo to talked about.
I am so grateful to Linny for opening up about how her infertility journey has empowered her both personally and professionally, and how it has moved her to pay it forward in support of other women.
Please read on to learn more about Linny’s story. You can also meet Linny virtually this Sunday at our event, Why Honoring Loss is Healthy. Linny will share more about her journey and how to get the support that you need through tools, resources and your relationships. I promise you will leave inspired.
Would you mind sharing a bit about your fertility journey?
We have been on this journey for almost two years now and after many tests and appointments it feels like we finally have all the puzzle pieces, we just need to place them all together.
I suffer from Recurrent Pregnancy Loss and have had three (3) miscarriages. After my third loss, I took some time to dive into research to get answers that could help me make a change.
I knew I wanted a baby, but it was hard to believe in my body. So I focused on educating myself on fertility and finding possible answers for my losses.
During this time, I discovered that I have APS (a blood clotting disorder) and Diminished Ovarian Reserve. I am currently on my 2nd medicated cycle with Clomid in hopes that it will lead me to a pregnancy.
Was there a moment when you felt compelled to begin advocating for miscarriage awareness?
I was grieving and it felt like no one in my circle of family and friends could relate and truly understand me. I was craving connection because I felt so alone. It moved me to started researching and I found the statistic that 1 in 4 women experience miscarriage.
I thought to myself, "How many women are going through this feeling alone even though there are so many of us?"
I felt compelled to share my story in hopes that it would lead me to creating a community not only for myself, but for (all) other women who (all) deserve support.
What is APS and what role does it play in recurrent miscarriages? How was your APS diagnosed?
Antiphospholipid Syndrome is a blood clotting disorder that can put pregnant women at a high risk of miscarriage and/or stillbirth if not medically monitored. It is very unfortunate. The good news is that once diagnosed, most women will go on to have healthy full term pregnancies if under proper medical care.
I had a traumatizing experience after my 1st loss. I had a D&C and there were complications because I would not stop bleeding. This alerted us that something wasn't right and we eventually got the testing that led to my diagnosis.
Based on your professional and personal experience, how do you recommend supporting someone who has had a miscarriage?
I've have learned that talking about it is helpful for women mourning a miscarriage, but most women don't share because of stigma or shame. It is very important to create a safe space where they feel comfortable to open up.
Just listen. Try not to compare or give advice. Validate however they feel.
Don't forget to check in every now and then. A simple, "I am thinking of you" message can go a long way.
What are appropriate words to say (and mean) to someone who has had a miscarriage?
It is ok to say, I don't know what to say, but I am sorry you are going through this and I am here for you.
What family/friends can say: I'm sorry and although I may not have the right words please know that I will be here when you are ready to stand by you as you walk through this.
What fellow warriors can say: I know it may not seem like it right now, but the weight does eventually get lighter.
Why is honoring loss healthy and what are some ways in which readers can pay tribute to their angel(s)?
Acknowledging can help with accepting which can lead to finding a sense of closure
Writing a letter to your angels (expressing all the things you never got to say)
Light a candle
Say a prayer
Plant some flowers
My favorite. Commission an artist that can create a family portrait of you with your angels. I did this and found it to be extremely healing. It helped me have the only visual of what our family would look like if our angels were with us.
Has infertility made you a better marriage therapist and coach? How so?
Definitely.
My education gave me knowledge, but my experiences have given me wisdom.
I understand pain, loss, and trauma from a personal perspective which allows me to be empathetic and truly support the people that I help.
Can you share several tips in support of couples who are facing infertility?
Understand that you won't always understand each other as you navigate through this new path but with effort, you can find a way to common ground again.
Communicate by saying what you really want to say, and allowing your partner to do the same. They may say things that you don't want to hear, but you need to know how they really feel & not how you WANT them to feel so that you can really work together.
Remember that you are a team. You are in it together. Even though your experiences may be from different perspectives, nonetheless it is an experience you are sharing together.
This (experience) can form an unbreakable bond. Surviving this type of hardship together can reinforce the strength of your love and appreciation for each other.
How has infertility changed your definition of strength?
It has made me realize how strong I really am. After three (3) losses, I feel invincible. If I can survive that, I can survive anything.
Please share a meaningful quote to you or your mantra.
My mantra is: Disappointed, but NOT defeated.
About Linny Stone: Linny is a relationship coach who uses coaching and therapy to support couples to cope with infertility and/or loss. Linny is also a wellness advocate and infertility warrior who suffers from Recurrent Pregnancy Loss & APS (a blood clotting disorder) which creates a 70-80% chance of miscarriage or stillbirth if not vigilantly medically monitored. Before getting diagnosed Linny had three miscarriages, and is currently fighting for her Rainbow Baby as she faces infertility due to Diminished Ovarian Reserve. Her experience with loss and fighting to get answers have led to her being passionate about spreading awareness on women's health & fertility issues. Linny shares her story candidly on Instagram while incorporating her relationship coaching & therapy tools to help couples cope through infertility and/or loss. The content on her site is full of encouragement and resources to help empower women through knowledge. You can learn more about Linny and her story at: www.linspiredliving.com and on IG @linspired.living
